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Zimbabwe 2014 Awards

End of year awards
  1. Disease of the year - Ebola
  2. Sabhuku of the year - Vharazipi
  3. Drink of the year - twizza
  4. Social network of the year - Whatsapp
  5. Prophet of the year - W Magaya
  6. Comedian of the year - Mdara Chinoz
  7. The Church with more graduates in karate - kumasowe kuye kwekurohwa police
  8. Harlot of the year - Bev
  9. The most powerful party - Zanu PF
  10. (9) Doctor of the year - Doctor Amai Grace Mugabe

big brother zanu pf - goche eviction

This is Big Sister Grace, Goche you have been evicted.Please leave the party now...

big brother zanu pf

Welcome to Big Brother Zanu PF, last week we witnessed the eviction of Rugare Gumbo, this week we saw Ray Kaukonde being evicted. Joyce Mujuru has been nominated for eviction next week, continue to vote and save your favourite housemate. It looks like Jonathan Moyo is safe and he is likely to walk away wth the $300 000 prize money.

whatsapp group admins

All WhatsApp Group Administrators are invited to a Meeting With Amai Grace Mugabe (PHD) in Mazowe

unodya ku kambani kwako

Mumwe mudhara wechiMalawi akanzi ataurire vanhu parufu kuti food yashota iko ndokuti- 
"Pamusoloi mazibaba, pamusoloi mazimai ali kumoto. Tipeiwo zewe zenyu kuno! Nyaya ilipano ndiyakuti chikafu chashota. Saka zichaitika ndezekuti:
  1. Isu Webheliya tichaja nenyama
  2. Hama zemudhuze mudhuze zichaja nakabichi
  3. Wekule kule, zishamwali, masawhila, muno mose munoja kuzimba zenyu.
  4. Ko driver weZUPCO alipo?
Driver: Ehe ndiripo!!!
Vely good. Unoja kukambani kwako!

zanu pf - vote of no confidence

Ndiri worried zvisingaite, ndawana mukadzi nevana vachitaurira pasi pasi. Pandangopinda vanyarara, ndiri kufunga vanga vachitaura zve Vote of no Confidence on me. Kana kupinda mutoilet chaimo ndiri kutya kuvasiya vega.Ndoitawo sei vanhuwe?

zanu pf - rugare, joy, simba

Zanu pf haisisina Simba,
Zanu pf haisisina Midzi
Zanupf haichina weku Themba
Zanu pf haisisina Rugare
lnogona kudzoka kuCongress isisina Joy. Yadyiwa nemujuru

pazhira (mukorekore nemu vhitori)

Muvhitori achibvunza mukorekore nzira:
Muvhitori: ndopazhira here apa?
Mukorekore: pazhira uone murovero wandokuita!

chinoz - relaxing mu park

Chinoz aive akalaxer zvake mupark, pakabva pasvika a white lady.
White Lady: Oooh are you relaxing?
Chinoz: No i am Chinoz.
White Lady: No i am just asking, are you relaxing?
Chinoz: Haaa ibvapa iwe ndinonzi Chinotimba mhani!
Then akabva asimuka akutenderera zvake mupark,  akabva aona kawhite kid kaitamba zvako...
Chinoz: Are you Relaxing?
White Kid: Yes i am..
Chinoz: Pfutseki wako mhanya kuna mbuya wako vari kukutsvaga. Vari kungobvunza munhu wese kuti are you relaxing, are you relaxing...

chinoz - aircon

A journalist ask cde chinoz: "do yu have any comments about the death of mandela. "
Chinoz: " oh yes yes. Africa has lost an aircon"

Murwere wekuda mazai

Zvinoita munhu kana arwara akomana zvakaoma. 
Vamwe mai vakaenda koona
murume wavo ainge arwara muchipatara. Vakamuigira mazai akakafraiwa
zvakanzi nemurume wacho: "handisikuda akafraiwa dai mauya
neakaboiliswa".
Mangwana mukadzi uya ndokuuya neakaboiliswa zvakanzi "aiwa
dai mauya neakafraiwa ".
Ava mangwana acho mukadzi uya ndokuuya
neakafraiwa neakaboiliswa zvakanzi nemurume wacho: "aiwa, amafraya aya dai
ariwo amaboirisa aya akaboiler dai ariwo amafraya".

kugerwa mahara

Mumwe murume akapinda mubarbershop aine mwana wake mukomana. 
Murume
ndokutanga kugerwa apedza bvaati rega ndimbonotenga nyama ndouya
ndobhadhara ka 1 sara uchigera mwana wangu.
Mwana uya apedza kugerwa
barber aona kuti baba vaya vanonoka kudzoka akabvunza mwana uye kuti
baba vake vainge vanotenga nyama kure zvakadii.
Mukomana uya ndokupindura
kuti "handivazive ini havasi baba vangu. Tangosangana panze zvakanzi
mwanagu handeyi togerwa mahara"

kuri kurehwa imi mai tembi

Amai tembi na Baba tembi vakaenda kwachiremba mai tembi ndokuitwa
operation zvakanzi nachiremba operation yamaitwa iyi zvotoreva kuti
muchaita 2 weeks pasina bonde .
Zvakanzi na mai tembi, "mazvinzwa ka baba
tembi"!
Zvakanzi nababa tembi "hongu ndazvinzwa but apa doctor arikureva
imimi mai tembi."

chinoz vaita accident

JUDGE: Ko chinoz tanzwa kuti watsika vanhu 5 muroad ,chii chaitika
CHINOZ: Zvaitika ndezvizvi vakuru, mota yangu yaputika vhiri ndichi driver mukamwe karoad
JUDGE: e-e?
CHINOZ: Saka kuleft kweroad kwakune vanhu 4 ku right kune 1 ,ndikati rega ndiende kuright zviri nani ndiuraye 1
JUDGE: Zvamamafunga wani.. ko chii chazoiitika kuti muuraye 5?
CHINOZ: Chazoitika ndechekuti 1 uya anga ari kuright azotizira kuleft kune 4 vaya ,saka pandati nditevere 1 uya bva ndabatanidzira nevamwe 4 vaya

kucha naya hako asi...

Mamiriro ekunze:  Ve met department vanoti gore rino mvura iriko yakanaka  asi kukohwa  kuchava kushoma nokuti zvirimwa zvichashaya anosakura nenyaya yeWHATSAPP

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