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chinoz - tsamba ku chimoko

WADIWA GURORIYA

Baby ndokuda kunge nyoka yakafa.
Ndikakufunga ndichiwacha ndinonanika bucket. 
Kwese kwandinoenda handidi kukushaya setoilet. 
Babie l luv yu lyk new radio no gruuu no shhhhhh
Babie unoziva? Ndikakufunga ndichigeza ndomedza sipo!
Urigudo rakaba chibage chemoyo wangu, ndiwe wega
channel inobata pa satelite dish rangu re wiztech
Dai uri nyika yebhora ndaikuita Brazil ndichigohwesa pandodira.
Babe ndokuda zvekuti dai uri mari ndaikumbira mai vako vandikweretese ndoregedza kudzosera chikwereti.
Ndikakufunga ndinobva ndapusa kunge fish dzemugaba. 
Ndikakufunga ndichidya sadza ndoseva pasi. 
Ndikakufunga ndiri pachigayo ndogaisa madhongi. 
Babe unondizadza nerudo se memory card.
Ndokunonga urikure seblue tooth, ndokuda zviri extra kunge mega juice.
Handimbokuisa pabarika kunge dual sim hanty!
Zvekuti pandichakuroora . ndichagara newe kunge  birth certificate. Uchange  uri mumaoko kunge  cellphone...
Dai wainga uri chipfeko  ...u were going to b my 1 underwear ......

Ndini wako anokudisisa kunge air time ye net 1

Chinoz

Monya rekuburitsa mweya mubhazi

Monya ranga riri mubhazi ndokubva rasura vanhu ndokutanga kuti ummmm ndiyani iyeye asina hunhu?
Zimonya ndokusimuka ndokuti "ndini ndasura ndicharamba ndichisura kusvika tasvika kugweru."

nda buda bhobho

"Touch is a move",  mwana akadeedzera kunababa vake mushure mekunge vabata kanyama kadiki mundiro yavaidya nemwana wavo. 
Mundiro mainge masara nhengo mbiri hombe neduku. Baba vakatora kanyama kaye ndokuisa pamusoro pehombe . 
"Ko baba makuita sei"kamwana kakabvunza kakatyamara.
"Ndabuda bhobho waruza" mudhara vakapindura kumwana

chinoz vakapfeka jersey re brazil

Chinos akapfeka jersey rake re Brazil achienda mutown ndokusangana nemapurisa. 
Zvikanzi nemapurisa, "Nekurohwa kwamakaita ne Germany muchiri makangopfeka jersey reBrazil!"
Zvikanzi na Chinos, "Zvichashamisira here? Inga imi wani makangorohwa wani nemapositori asi nanhasi makapfeka uniform yechipurisa!!"

chinoz - sangweji

chinoz akabatwa paborder achida kusmuggler chipembere kuti apinde nacho
mujoza.
nekukurumidza chinoz akatora ma slice maviri echingwa
ndokunamatidza 1 kumagaro echipembere then imwe pamberi nechepamhuno
chaipo.
mapurisa akabvunza chinoz kuti ko iyi yaa yipi manje zvakanzi na
chinoz "Wakatanga riinhi mutemo wekuudzira vanhu nyama dzekuisa pakati
pechingwa, ndisiyei ndipinde ne sangweji yangu".

tione number yawafona...

mumwe murume akakwira kombi ndokuda kuona pfungwa dzevarume vaivemo kwakudialer 3 digits ndokunyepedzera kufona hanzi 
"sorry babes handichakwanisa kuuya ndakwira kombi nemrume wako",

 kkkkkkkkkkk hanzi varume vakavava zvikanzi tione number yawafona 

recycling, zim style

Kuti Zimbabwe ndiko kut nhamozve:
  1. Matayi emotokari anenge araswa kuSouth Africa achinzi apera, maZimba anoatora omatumira kumusha, ondoiswa pamotokari dzofamba 3-4 yez nawo.
  2. Obviswa pamota oitwa pangoro, ofamba 4-5 yez.
  3. Obviswa pangoro oitwa manyatera odhonza 5 yez.
  4. Kana nyatera riye ranzi rapera, rochitorwa rondoburiswa nyuchi.

Chinoz: Application Letter

Application letter

The Foromani
Harare City Kanzuru
Tauni House

Wadiwa Foromani

I beg to put my application fo driving the kanzuru rori .
I went ejukeshenu at Chikokandunye at St Nyoka Mission .

I write Samhu I win , I write shona I win , I write Hisitiri I win,
I write Signs I win, I write Jogirafu I draw, I write VID I win again
so if the job is there , I am coming there .
So I have 5 o level and driving raisenzi in the advertaisimenti

kupedzisira ndinoti munofara here mose ikoko? I come and interview you soon

Wenyu akavimbika,

J. Chinotimba

Ndichapa sekuru mukaka wako

Mdhara Serebhu ari mubhazi achibva kubasa akuenda kumba kwake kuWaterfalls akagara paside pemukadzi arikuyamwisa mwana wake apa mwana arikuramba kuyamwa. Mai vaye vanotyisidzira mwana wavo vachiti, ''ukaramba kuyamwa ndichapa hangu sekuru ava mukaka wako'', Bhazi ratifambe fambe vava paroundabout mwana uye achingoramba kuyamwa mai vaye vanopamha zvakare kuti, ''yamwa iwe ndisati ndapa sekuru awa'' , ipapo Mdhara Serebhu anotarisa kuna mai vaye obva ati , ''ambuya rongai zvinhu zvenyu ka1 kana muchindipa ingondipai izvozvi zamhu racho ndiyamwe, hangu mabvira kudhara muchingoti muchandipa zvino ndakangogara muno apa ndanga ndichifanira kuburukira paZindoga'

Rasta vachireporter case yekubirwa

Rasta vachireporter case yekubirwa kwavo zvinhu kuna member in charge:

Officer: mkoma tingakubatsirai nei?

Rasta: uhh ndakena mawinds officer, ndagadzikwa mudhish,kugadzirirwa size nemarukaz.

Officer: Taura nyaya yako tibatsirane uye ndoda kuita ndichiinyora.

Rasta:Nezuro handina kukushita paden ,vana tsotsilaz vakakomha paden pangu depaz ndokundinyamurira masinhi ese kusara mava ground. Ndatozvijesibhaya monaz kuti ngwanda rashamura neteam dhakwaz yese yabva yapera offsa.

Officer: iwe saka unoti ndonyora document kuti chii nezvauri kutaura.Taura zvakanaka tizive nyaya yako.

Rasta: Plz officer help me coz shwada iri kuoneka pachivanze iri kuratidza kuti iteam reketaz rakanyamura madzinhi angu. Ndipei 3 maneighborukaz tivabate vasati vanwira ngwanda rangu.

Officer: wabirwa hre? taura zvawabirwa tizive

Rasta: realz manga mune heavy chindanga,4 pairs jordan shwada,bhivha colors rine leaf, clober rese rechirasta ,sunja yekwa sizzla,gudza nyumbi plus 2kg yee ....yee... Haa officer ndafinhurwa.

Officer: Kana wakuda kuzoreporter zvakanaka wozouya ikozvino chimbodzokera hako kumba.

Giv thanks to N.G.M. and send dis to al rastas u kno in da zion.

blazo achipa ma directions

Weduwe chirungu chakaoma wee!! Umwe mdara was giving directions to a white man.. Go straight then refuse with the road (ramba une nzira) and u will see a big education (high school), kon left (turn left) then u will see a robocop (robot); go down and u will see a big nothing (open space), kon right (turn right), then u will see sunday (church), pass it and pass funeral (cemetery) then u svik (arrive).

the devil is a liar parufu

Mukadzi akanzi ape speech parufu rwe murume wake...akati...the devil is a LIAR !! Vanhu vese vakati AMEN !...akati...Satan atora murume wangu... BUT HE IS A LIAR MHANI. vanhu...vakati AMEN....
akati ..IN THE NAME OF JESUS,,,MANGWANA CHAIYE NDINENGE NDANE MUMWE....vanhu vakati ziiii

Chinoz pavaka uraya chipembere

Cde Chinoz vakasungwa nemapurisa ndokuendeswa kucourt.
MAGISTRATE: VaChinotimba mune mhosva yamuri kupomerwa yekuuraya chipembere munobvuma here kana kwete. 
CDE CHINOZ: pamusoroi changamire, makurukota,vedare nemi mose makateerera. Ini ndirikushamisika kuti ndiani arikundipomera mhosva ini ndisina kuuraya chipembere chake.
MAGISTRATE: Tati munobvuma here kuti makauraya chipembere? 
CDE CHINOZ: Hongu chipembere ndakauraya asi ndezvaniko zvipembere zvacho? 
MAGISTRATE: Ndezvedu tose as Zimbabweans. 
CDE CHINOZ: Ehe saka ndakauraya changu zvasara zvose ndezvenyu ini handisisina chipembere.

chinoz ku posvo

Chinoz dzakatenga envelope ✉ at a local post office. Dzakaivhura and then screamed on top of his voice into the envelope and ndodva dza vhara hadzo.

Ambuya vemu post office asked him: "Va Chinoz, chiii nhai?"

Chinoz: "Ndiri kutumira voice mail."

ndakazvarwa mu...

Biti: ndakazvarwa mu summer time 
Gono: ndakazvarwa mu winter time 
Chinamasa: ndakazvarwa mu spring time 
Chinoz : ndakazvarwa mu airtime

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