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Ucha chatawo rini

Pese pandaienda kumichato yeshamwari dzangu vamwe ana mai vemumaraini vaingonditi ''Ko iwe ucha chatawo rinhi vamwe vari kungochata?''

Izvi zvaindirwadza chose, zvaka zopera pandaiti ndakasangana nawo panhamo ndovadzunzawo kuti: "Ko imi muchafawo rinhi wamwe venyu varikungoenda''

Handi nhuwi ini

Mukadzi anga arimu court achibvunzwa kuti atsanangure munhu anga amubata chibharo sezvo ma suspects ese aivemo airamba. Mukadzi ndokuti 'munhu wacho anga arimupfupi, anemhanza, anonhuwa...........' Achiripakati pekutsanangura pakabva panzwika izwi richiti.."pfutseke handinhuwe ini"

Asi vatanga nema pena?

Wife waking up at halftime, Brazil yakabaiwa ne Germany 5:0,

Wife: aarghhh, asi nhasi vatanga nema pena?

Husband: iwe, rara uko!!

brazil yakabaiwa 7-1 ne germany

Nhai ichokwadi here kuti doro re 7days rakunzi Brazil?

Hauna kusiyana nembwa

Chinoz and Madam vake vakagara zvavo mu-lounge
after dinner...
Madam (to Chinoz): Unogona ku-swimmer?
Chinoz: Aiwa
Madam: Saka unokundwa nembwa? Ha ha ha kikik
kikikiki (kuseka) Chinoz keeps quiet. Then a few moments later...
Chinoz: Ko iwe unogona ku-swimmer?
Madam: Yes of-course!
Chinoz: Saka hauna kumbosiyana nembwa

Indanet

Message kubva kumusha:

"wakaita hako nemosquito net ikozvino haticharumwi asi tanzwa nekurumwa neinda hameno kuti haugoni kutitumirawo indanet here........."

Ma color epa flag

MaCde toisa macolour api pa flag?
Vakuru vakuru: Red for the blood shed during the war.
Vice wavo: White for peace, green for vegetation &yellow for minerals.
Chinoz: Ko ngatiisei chek chek, tine hama dzakachekwa chekwa muhondo ka!!!

ZPS competition (Zimbabwe Prison Services)

Win a trip to Chikurubi Maximum Prison and stay there for as long as you want,just sms,"I sell mbanje" to 112 and stand a chance to win free clothes,free meals,free accommodation!!!!!
Sponsored by ZPS.

Ndokumbiravo pushi

Goshy akabatwa neBabylon (mapurisa) etraffic achityaira Peugout 404 yake. Akabvunzwa chitambi zvikanzi hapana. Ridza hooter hapana, indicators hapana, handbrake hapana, mutero hapana. Zvikanzi mhosva dzako dzawandisa takuregerera enda hako. Kwakuramba akamira zvikanzi naofficer ko uchiri wakamirirei ipapo? Goshy akapindura nekanzwi kairatidza kuzvininipisa zvikanzi, "ndinokumbirawo push"

Vana sir vamunoziva

Teacher: give me the names of Sirs you know

John: Sir Winston Churchill
Peter: Sir Alex Ferguson
Tracy: Sir Allan Wilson
Chinoz : Sir Unononga (Seunononga)!

Akapusa ndiyani

Professor vachitukana nemukadzi wavo;
Prof: hauna kufunda ndosaka wakapusa nekuzungaira. 
Wife: akazungaira nekupusa ini newe ndiani,ndiri nani ndakaroorwa naprofessor, ko iwe wakaroora mukadzi asina kana grade 7.

Askana siyanai nemurume wangu

Private caller - Hello am l speaking to Anita?
Anita - Yes
Private caller - Askana siyanayi nezvekufonerana nemurume wangu handiti!!!
Anita -Ndanga ndatya ndafunga kuti muchati ndirege kurara naye.Kana zvakadaro iribho. gudnight

Gogo vakaura jaya re 25yrs

Magistrate ~ Nhai gogo mune makore mangani,
Gogo - 85 mambo wangu
Magistrate - saka zvakafamba sei kuti musvike pakuuraya jaya rine makore 25?
Gogo - kakomana aka kakauya ndigere zvangu, ndokundi mbundikira zvinoronyoro, ropa rangu ndokumhanya. Kakabva kapuruzira mazamu ndakatanga kumerera muviri wese, ndokubva kanditsvoda ndinzwe bvunzi rangu kumira richiti nyaunyau...ndokubva kanditakura ndokundiwisira pamubheda ndakanzwa kumhanyamhanya mudumbu nemufaro...hapano kabvisa bhurugwa rangu ndikadikitira nekunyorvera netarisiro...ndopakakabva kati "Happy April Fools Day!"
Kana ndimiwo magistrate maiti ndaigodiniwo pakadaro? Ndakamuuraya ipapo ipapo!!!

Baba vachizama sisi vebasa

Amai vemba vanga vaenda ku holiday and Baba vemusha vakanga vatorine chikara chekuti vatoluma. Vakati zano vakati rega ndiite plan nemusikana webasa uyo akanga ava ne 2 weeks achangobva kumusha and aisaratidza kungwara ngwara.

Vakamusheedza mu bedroom ndokubvisa bhurugwa ravo ndokunongedzera chinhu chavo

Baba : Unoziva kuti chii here ichi?
Sisi : (vachinyaririra) Hongu baba
Baba : Unoziva basa racho?

Sisi : Ehe

Baba : ita tione

Sisi pakarepo vakabva vapfugama nemabvi ndokubata chinhu nemaoko maviri ndokuswedera pedyo pedyo ndokuvhura muromo... 

Baba vakabva vatsinzinya maziso vagadzirira...

Sisi ndokuti : "chekutanga ndoda kukwazisa amai na baba vangu vari ku
Uzumba ndozokwazisa sekuru Jowero na Tete Esinathi, ndinokumbirawo
mundiridzire kambo kanonzi 'this time haulume'..."

Gudo rakakwira danda...

Question: Gudo rakakwira danda rikadonha. Chii chakadonha?
A. GUDO 
B. DANDA 
C.GUDO NEDANDA 
D. HAPANA

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