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Zeve zeve nema bino

Bob, Mze, Grace na Maud vakaenda kuNetherlands kumusangano. Panguva yekudya Madzimai ainge ari downstairs varume vari upstairs. Bob akatora microphone ndokudaidza Grace kuti auye kuzodya. Mze ndokutora mabinoculars ndokubva aona Moud ave pedyo ndokubva anangisa nzeve akati Mai Muzenda chiuyai mudye achi zevezera

Ndakangamwa manhingi angu

Vamwe baba vakadaidaidzwa kuinterview.Musi weinterview waka svika.So he woke up early for the interview.Vakasvika about 15 minute earlier.Vakatambirwa nekasecretary kechinose,zvikanzi asecretary "good morning sir,what can I do 4 yu?"Blaz vheti yaivanetsa zvakaipisisa,vakabva vapindura vachiti Morning,I have come for intervals.Secretary akabva aseka zvakabhowa blaz,blaz vakange vatobvisa maglaz emaziso vaisa patable yasecretary nekubhowekana vakabva vasimuka zvimwe zvechiramwa zviye zviye apa amnga muri muninth floor.By the time akasvika paground floor akabva afeeler kuti akanganwa maglaz ake.So he went back kuna secretary.Secretary ndokuti Oooh sir yu have come back again.Sekuru ndokuti well I have forgotten my testicles

vaMuzenda Y2K Compliance

Paive naBob, Morgan nasekuru Muzenda apo vakada kutestana ruzivo. Kedu Bob nukungwarisa ndiko kakatanga kubvunza Morgan. "Can you tell at least one thing that is Y2K compliant??" "Of course, the other day i was talking to my bank manager and he reassurred me that the bank's computers were Y2K compliant as such there weren't gonna be problems in the new century" Bob nodded approvingly obviosly impressed by Morgan's knowledge. "obviosly you have done a lot of research on this, well i dont have to ask somebody i can tell you now that our government computers are indeed compliant i was there when the Microsoft guys did the tests." 
It was now Muzenda's turn. He turned to Morgan and asked, "Iwe Morgan Y2K
(waitukei) Mugabe parally yenyu ye MDC?"

Greetings: by Moses Chunga

Moses Chunga visited Birmingham for a soccer match. On arrival at the
airport he met some reporters who then asked him if he wanted to greet
someone from Zimbabwe. Moses Chunga went on to say "I would like to say hie
to my Mum and Dad not forgetting my Mother and Father"

Futi ndanga ndakapfeka...

Mablazo two atongwerwa kufa mu court. Akabva anzi moda kuuraiwa sei. Fearing much pain, blazo1 asked to be shot in the head. He was then quickly
dealt with. 
blazo2 akati anoda kuinjectwa ´AIDS´ virus. Then he asked if he could go to the bathroom. This puzzled the executor, but akamubvumidza kuenda. On returning he was then given the so requested dose. He was then asked to leave. Can you guess what he said
before he left?
"Futi ndanga ndakapfeka Condom!"

Mhanduwe na Sahwira

Apa ndisaMutoko vachitsanangurira sahwira Wake yanga yatambika areas manheru.

"Ko mhanduwe romanhoko takazorijaba", "Ko hindawa futi?", "mwana wamaiGarikayi
anga agariwa mbabvu", "Ko ndiani unoshinhiwa kudaro?", ndowuyuyu felexisi",
"saka makandodii", "takandomhanyirayo ndokuwana atonyihwa-nyihwa panyopo".

Chinesse Lessons

Sezvo maChina awanda mu Zim, tava kuitisa ma lesson echi China.

  • That's not right: Sum Ting Wong
  • Are you harboring a fugitive?: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
  • See me ASAP: Kum Hia Nao
  • Stupid Man: Dum Gai
  • Small Horse: Tai Ni Po Ni
  • Did you go to the beach?: Wai Yu So Tan?
  • I bumped into a coffee table: Ai Bang Mai Ni
  • I think you need a face lift: Chin Tu Fat
  • It's very dark in here: Wai So Dim?
  • I thought you were on a diet: Mun Ching?
  • This is a tow away zone: No Pah King
  • You are not very bright: Yu So Dum
  • I got this for free: Ai No Pei
  • Please stay a while longer: Wai Go Nao?
  • Stay out of sight: Lei Lo
  • He's cleaning his automobile: Wa Shing Ka
  • Your body odor is offensive: Yu Stin Ki Pu

Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri

 Yakatambika nezuro. This reputable brother nicknamed Bandamukonde aibva kuchapel nema sisters ari bho-o. Kwabva kwauya vamwe sisi vekutsvaka mari nenhengo iya yemuviri ( yamunoda nemiwo). Vakabva vasviko bata tarauzi ra Bandeki nechepano pamusana vakati ndipe mari yangu.
Masister havana kukurumidza kufungira zvakaipa sezvo Bandeki ari munhu anoremekedzwa. Saka vakado kuzoziva kuti ko yaimbova mari yei. Bandeki ndokukurumidza kupindura achiti "haa akanditengesera mapotatoes".
Maiwee akabva aburana nasisi vaye. Nechinguva chisina kufanira vakaratidza
nengo iya kumunhu wose zvikanzi "Nhaimi ipotatoes here iri?

it's not inside it's on top

Imwe shasha yakatorana navamwe amai vakanga vakatakura kungevarikutama ari magaro avo vega, saka vaakuseenza basa repabonde amai vaya vakabva vatanga kusheedzera kuti cremooora!!!, muchinda achibva awedzera speed achifunga kuti gero ririkunakigwa ,vapedza zvavo first round muface akabva abunza kuti ko pawanga uchiti cremora wanga uchirevei, gero rikati ndanga ndichireva kuti "it's not inside it's on top"

Mapurisa otandaniswa ne mapositori

Wotoona mapositori achitandanis mapurisa, wotoshaya kuti zviri kumbofamba sei

Chisikana chidofo dofo

Chimwe chisikana chidofo dofo, changa chakazvipengera nekunaka, chaka wana 5 out of 100 pasvomhu!!

Murairidzi, uyo aiva munhurume, ndokunyora mubhuku kuti "SEE ME!!" achiti achibatsire. Asi chisikana chiya chakatofunga hacho zverudo, ndokunyorawo reply mubhuku imomo chichiti: 

"Hapana muuyu unovinga shiri!!! Iwe huya undione.... Kana uri serious nezvangu!!"

Mandela, Mondela, Randela

 Mandela square. 

Mandela street. 

Mandela theatre. 

Mandela bridge.

Mandela bay. 

Mandela day. 

Mandela stadium. 

Mandela coin. 

And now, introducing Mandela banknote, Mandela condoms coming

soon!! 

Nxt time when you go to the doctor he'll tel you suffering

from Mandela virus.What's next???? 

Next year the days of the week will be Mondela, Tuesdela, Wednesdiba, Thursdiba, Fritata, Sartertata, Suninhlahla...

South Africa soon to be SouthTataMadiba.

Agh f*tsek mahn I'm leaving this country!! How much is a taxi to

Zimbabwe?? "10Randela??

Ndoita zvandakaita kwaMutare

Pane kamwe kamudhara kakange pamusika weMbare kachida kukwira bhazi kuti kaende kwaMutoko. Pakakatarisa muhomwe kakawana inga chikwama hamuna. Kakabva katanga kudaidzira kachiti "vakomana kana paine munhu atora chikwama changu ngadzorere
otherwise ndinozoita zvandakaita kwaMutare. Mbavha yakanga yaba nekutya yakabva yadzorera chikwma ichifunga kuti pane mishonga yemudhara yaizomuvhiringidza. Vakomana vakange varipo vkati mudhara chikwama chako wapihwa chitiudza kuti kwaMutare wakaita sei, zvikanzi ndakabirwamari yebhazi ndikaenda kumusha netsoka.

Ndiri kutengesawo matemo

Pane mumwe mukadzi aishinhwa kana murume wake aenda kubasa . Aidanana neimwe boyfriend yakanga yakasimba moto chaiwo. Vemanext door vakazotaurira muridzi wemukadzi kuti kana musipo pane rume rinouya kuzorakasha mukadzi wenyu.

Nehasha shasha yakati ndichamubata chete .Saka nerimwe zuva yakadzoka kubasa makuseni
kuti izoona kuti how far. Akasvikira panext door ndokubva audzwa kuit zimuchinda riya rakange riri mushishi rekuridza mukadzi wake. Akabva akumbira demo ,akasviko vhura door ,asi harina kuvhurika akabva atanga ku noka. 

Rume riya rakabva ravhura door richotovhara zipi richichururuka dikita zvakaoma, rikati: "tingakubatsireyi neyi". Shasha nekuona masimbiro emuchinda uyu akabva ati: " sorry for disturbing ndiri kutengesawo demo ". Rume riya ndokuti: "Hatina mari", ndokubva ravhara door .

Buri pa ceiling

Vana nekushereketa vakaboora buri pa ceiling  ravakashandisa pakubuda mumba mavakange vakiirwa. Unfortunately vabereki vava vaive vanhu vapfupi. Vakange vasina mari yekugadzirisa ceiling. 
Mai mwana ini ndichakwira pamusoro pako kuti ndikwanise kusvikira paburi iri kuti tiri gadzire. Mai mwana vakabva vamira baba ndokubva vakwira pamapendekete avo kuti vasvikire ceiling. 
Vana vakabva vanzi endai munotambira mumba pakabva pasvika vaenzi vakatambirwa nevana panze. "ko baba varipi ?"
Vana vakapindura vachiti "baba vari mubedroom pamusoro paamai vari kunama paburi patakabuda napo."
Vaenzi nenyadzi vakabva vatora mabhegi avo vachibva vaenda.

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