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Anotonakirwa zvake Chipo

Paiva nemumwe mu face akaenda kumusha nechimoko chake kunoona ambuya. Muface uyu aiva nemuzvambu weblambi.Saka rimwe zuva akati achigeza muchinji house blambi ikapoya nepauswa ichienda panze apa tezvara vaiuyawo kuzomama vasiri kuketa kuti mukwasha ari kuvita ndokubva vastepa pablambi .Mukwasha akaridza mhere ,ndokubva tezvara vaketa sichazi ndokurova pasi vakananga kunamaChipo ndokusvikoti maChipo mwana akarooriwa zvake asi ari munhamo .Zvikanzi namaChipo nhamo yekupi ,anotonakirwa zvake Chipo.

Successful white farmer

Reporter: Mr. Chinos now that you have been allocated this huge farm what  are your ambitions?
Chinoz: I want to be a successful white commercial farmer

Mbuva yapa Kadoma

Makange muri mubhazi reku Bulawayo, muine mumwe mupfanha. Saka akaudza  conductor kuti azomumutsa kana asvika muKadoma, semunhu  aingokotsira-kotsira. 

Vava paNorton, mupfanha uya akamuka achibva  ati  kuna  Conductor, "Tasvika here muKadoma". Zvikanzi naConductor, "Iwe  mupfanha ndazvinzwa kudhara ndichakumutsa." 

Vasvika paSelouse mupfanha uye achibva  ämuka akabvunza futi kuti vakange vasvika muKadoma here. Conductor akamuti "Iwe mupfanha ndakuudza kuti ndichakumutsa, pfutseke mhani." Vava  paChegutu achibva amuka futi achibvunza kana vasvika muKadoma. Conductor  akamushaudha futi. Mupfanha uya achibva akotsira hake. Saka bhazi
  rakazopfuura muKwekwe, nemuGweru mupfanha uya akakotsira chete.  

Vava  pakati peGweru ne Bulawayo mumwewo munhu akabva ati, "Ah,  komupfanha  weMuKadoma azoburuka here patasvika muKadoma" Ndipo pavakaona  mupfanha  uya achirimo." Saka Conductor naDriver vakange vaakuda kuti mupfanha  uya  aburuke ipapo vanhu vakacomplainer vachida kuti Bhazi ridzokere kusvika kuKadoma kuye. Saka bhazi rakadzokera kuKadoma. 

Vasvika muKadoma muya,  zvikanzi na Conductor, "Mupfanha chiburuka" Zvikanzi nemupfanha  uya,  "Aiwa, ndiri kuenda kuBulawayo, ticket rangu ndere kuBulawayo. Ndanga  ndanzi naamai kana ndasvika muKadoma ndochizodya huku yavanga  vandigadzirira"

udzai vana chokwadi

John(6yrs) ari kubva kuchikoro anosangana nezvikomana zvitatu. chimwe chezvikomana izvi chinomutuka chichiti, "mboro yababa yako." john  kanosvika kumba kobvunza amai koti "mhamha chii chinonzi mboro." mhamha vanoti, "ruoko mwanangu." remangana acho john kanoenda kuchikoro kosangana nezvikomana zviya zvinomutuka zvichiti, "beche ramai vako." john kanosvika kumba kobvunza amai kuti beche chii. amai vanoti, "iziso mwanangu." john kanonzwisisa konyarara hako.

remangwana acho mumba makazara vaenzi amai vanoti, "john ndigachidze kapu iyo." john kanoti, "handisvikiri tumai baba vane mboro refu." vanhu vese vaiva mumba vanokatyamadzwa nazvo votanga kuseka vachiburitsa musodzi mumaziso. john kanomira pamberi pavo koti, " ko! muri kunyanya kusekei zvemunobva maburitsa musodzi mubeche?"

Handina kumborara

ndanga ndafa nekurohwa kumusha nenyaya yekabhuru kangu kanonzi matope, rinova ndiro rimwe zita rekudzinza kwedu. 

kabhuru aka kanga kavatira kachidya mumunda masabhuku apo iye sabhuku anga asipo paingova nemudzimai wake chete.Ramangwana racho ainge obvunzwa kuti vainge varara sei. Ivo mai vaya vakati "Aahh ndamborara here namatope kungoisa musora papillow yatovamo , kungodai yapinda , kungoda kutsinzina yapinda , kungodzima kenduru yatovamo handina kurara zvachose Sabhuku vakatozonzwisisa nyaya vatobata demo" !

Ndini wasu ndatenga

Umwe WAsu akatorwa nemwana wake nemota vakanange Harare.  Zvino Wasu aiobserva zvaiitwa neson yake .Son yake yaidriva ichibhita mared robot. Vakati vasvika
paBank vakasvika bank richivharwa son ichibva yatora mari paATM. Vakazoti voenda 
kunotenga grocery mari ichibva yarambe kuite enough. Son yakobva yasaine check.

Wasu akati odzokere kumusha akati oudze wife feedback achiti " Mai, Wasu abudirire. Takati tosvike Harare marobot aiite Red dzimwe mota dzichimira kuiitira kuti Wasu adarike. Tazoti tasvike mubank, bank richibve ravharwa ndobva Wasu apiwe mari nepahwindo. Tazoti taende kunotenga grocery, mari ndokurambe kuite enough zvikanzi naWasu hazvinetse, ndokunyore tsamba kuna manager kuti ndini Wasu ndatenga."

Yangu yamira

Murume nemukadzi vakasangana pasina mumwe munhu zvake. Murume ave kupfuura asina kumbotaura chinhu nemukadzi uyu, zvakashamisa mukadzi kuti chirudzii.

Mukadzi akati hazviite kuti murume apfuure asina kumbotaura neni. akati regai ndimutaudze ini Akati: "Nhai mukwasha ko dzimbori nguvaiko?"
Murume, sezvo watch yanga isisa shande akangoti, "A a a
amai yangu yamira". Mukadzi uya kwavekuti zvakanakai mukwasha.

Vave kuparadzana murumewo kwave kuti : "Ko imi amai munobva kupi?" 
Mukadzi kwave kungoti: "Aa kwangu kwaZvimba mukwasha"

Amai vafa

Rimwe zuva murume akadzoka kubasa achifemereka. akaona mukadzi vake achakarara ndokusvikoti " mai mwana amai vafa kumusha." Mukadzi haana kuita hanya nazvo, ndokumuka hake, kutsvaira mumba, kwave kuzoenda
kosaloon kunogadzitwa musoro. Apedza akatenga macabbage  2, loaf rechingwa,paketi yesugar kwave kuisa mupepaper bag. Akadzoka kumba ndokubika sadza vakadya ndokuzoti kumureme ndapedza kugadzirira ngatichiendai. Vakapinda mumotor ngokufamba. 

Chakazoshamisa mukadzi ndechekuti
akaona motor yakananga kumusha kwake iye ndokubvunza kuti "ko iwe amai vafa ndevapi?" zvikanzi nemurume ndimai vako iwe. Mukadzi akashamba akati asi une utsinye vadii kundiudza kare kuti ndevangu. Ndingadai ndisina kupedza mari pa make up uye ndatenga zvinhu zvakavanda. saka chitodzosa motor tidzokere kumbare ndinotenga zvimwe.

Jongwe akangwarisa

imwe member yakaenda kundotsvaga Jongwe reku servicer huku dzake ndokuriwana raiva nezemu rakawandisa.

Akazoshamiswa achiona ravakukwira mhuka dzimwe dzisiri huku including mbudzi, mombe, madhadha,katsi, imbwa, madhongi-chero vakadzi vemumusha iwoyo ! Varume vevakadzi ava vakafunga kuuraya jongwe coz ranga radya chikafu chavo. Jongwe achinzwa izvi akarova touch akati gumbo ndibereke. Akateverwa-varume vaine mapfumo nematemo uku vakadzi vachiridza mhere. Jongwe akananga musango ndokubva ashaika Vanhu vakaona ma vulture aibhururuka in a circle mudenga kureva kuti there is dead meat padhuze

Vakabva vaona Jongwe akarara pasi akati nyana-a seakafa
Vakadzi vakabva vanyanyisa kuchema
Jongwe ndokubva ati "shhhh-hh murikuita noise, ndirikutaimira ma vultures ayo"
JONGWE AKANGA AFUNGA ZVEKWIRAIRA MA VULTURES !!!!!!!

Ma presents kuna mai

Paiva nevamwe vana vaiva naamai vaibva kuGhana. Rimwezuva vakafunga kutengera mai vavo mapresents, wekutanga akatenga mota yekufambisa vachinoona hama.

Wechitwo akatenga imba ine marooms 36, wechithree akavatengera parrot yaizovavaraidza ichitaura zvisina basa.

Mai vacho havana kunyatsofara nekuti vaiti havana hama muZimbabwe saka vaisazoshandisa mota yacho. Kune wechitwo vakati havana munhu wekugara naye mumba macho asi vakatenda wechithree vakati wakandipa kahuku endekainaka.

Musalala ku back seat

 Kamwe kamusalala kachimoko kakakwira kombi kachienda kuMabvuku. Kanga kaka pfeka bhandana haikona, kaspaghetti nehipster. Kainhuwirira uku cellars yemari iri mumaoko waona. Maface aingokaaya imwe iya iya yechiboyz.  Kakagara kuback seat kachirova zvako pitza. These 2 guys vakatanga kukati ndeipiko geriza. Unonzani? Ende unoita manje. Hakana kupindura kaingo tarisa vanhu vese mukombi kachiita kunga kari kuona matuzvi Vakaramba  vachingokanetsa kachingoignorewa. Whindi ndiye akazoti, "chiiko kuback seat chanetsa?? Boyz dzakasheedzera kuti, " SHAZ KAMUSALALA AKA
KASURA WAONA,  MANJE KARI KURAMBA KUTIVHURIRAWO WINDOW...."

Murume wangu auya

Then there was this couple in bed at night, Madamu vakabva vavhumuka.
"MURUME WANGU AUYA, MURUME WANGU AUYA KANI!!!!!!!!!!

 Husband ichinzwa izvi yakabva yajamba from bed ikabuda mumba ichimhanya isina kupfeka. 

Payakasvika pagate ndipo payakarealizer kuti iri padheni payo.

Marketing in Shona

Mumwe murume akapinda mubhazi achi tengesa zvinhu achibva atanga kushevedzera:
Vana sisi vakaboorwaaa........
Vana sisi  vakaboorwaaaa...................................mhete dziri pano idzi.

Ko vana amai moenda musina mabhurukwa here..........
moenda musina mabhurukwa here...................................mabhurukwa evana ari pano aya 

Ko vana baba moenda dzakamira  here.............................
moenda dzakamira here............................mabattery ewatch ari pano aya.

Mbare Hostels

Unoketa mafesi anoloja imba yakadividwa necurtain? The guy who stayed on the door side was married while the other fella was single.one day he overheard the married kule saying to his wife,'rega ndipinze yakarara inomira yave mukati!!!!' The wife replied,'chingopinza yakamira inokwana!!!!' 

When he pipped over the curtain ,he caught a nice
 glimpse of husband and wife trying to move their new
wardrobe into the house.

Mwana we tortoise anonzii

mwana wemunhu anonzi chii: mwana

mwana wembwa anonzi chii: mbwanana

mwana weshiri anonzi chii: shirana

mwana wetortoise anonzi chii: totoisana

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