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Mzee mu toilet

Our very own vice pres Muzenda went to the Americas for the first time and needed
to relieve himself so he was shown where the loo was.On entering he saw a reflection of himself on the mirror and said "sorry ndanga ndichifunga kuti hamuna munhu".

Matsotsi emu harare anetsa

mwe shasha kuHarare uku yaive nebabes so manje. But babes yakange yakaroorwa time-time, so it happened kuti on one of the days yakabatikidzwa iri muden neHusband yegero, so he had to rush out without his pants and shoes, just the shirt.

Upon getting home, knowing his wife would need an explanation, he cooked one. "..mai bhoi ndarohwa nematsotsi, ndabirwa trousers neboots.." Shasha felt better payakanwza wife
ichiti, 
"...umm veduwe, inga matsosti anetsa muno.., (pause) ..., kubva vapfekedza victim yavo condom?"

Mbavha yechikwama

Mbava yaka tora chikwama chemumwe musekuru weku Malawi. Mbavha yakatanga kumhanya ichitiza sezvo panga pari pachiteshi chemuguta guru. Mbava isati yaenda kure yakaona chikwama chiye chobhururuka chichienda seshiri. Sekuru vanova muridzi wechikwama vakadaidzira vachiti:
"zuva rauchabata shiri iyoyo ndiro rauchafunda kufamba." Mbavha yakatanga kukambaira semucheche.

Ranga rawira kuseri kwe durawall

Amai Jeni vawacha hembe dzavo vaisa padurawall. Pakunotora manheru bhurukwa ravo ranga radonhera panext door kuseri kwedura wall. Ko vanozivei!

Vabva kubasa baba vepanext door vomemawo musha wavo manheru aya. Aa vabva vadhumana nebhurukwa. Vanodana kamwana kavo vobvunza kuti raive raani. " Mai Jeni" mwana anodaira. "Chienda unovapa"

Pakusvika kwamai Jeni kamwana kanosvikoona baba Jeni. " Hanzi nababa bhurukwa ramai Jeni iri..."

Wasu ku mapurisa

Wasu vakanga vari pacourt ndokusangana nahomeboy  kwaakuchiexplaina .Zvikanzi:
"Ndauya kuno nge case ngekuti mwana wakaitwa sex ngebhinya'

Apa vaitaura mudon akange arepewa

Musazvi bigga mahara

Well, there was this guy. Muface uyu akanga ane >>>>> hombe and so everyone mumaraini akanga asingachadi zvektambira mudhuze naye. Izvi zvakaita kuti muface afunge zano rokumbofamba KuMasvingo uko akanga anzwa kuti kune rimwe hure rakanga risanganzwe chinhu kana rabva bubhaudwa. 

 Hure iri raiti rapera kuita sex nemurume raiti tora zvako mari yako nokuti haundigutse. Saka muface akazoti asvika kwaririr Hure rikati shamwari ""don't waste my time, nokuti haungatombo ndigutse." Muface akati okay but ngatingo try. 

Akati ayipinza huro for the first time rikati ranakirwa. Rakati zvino ngariedze kubatira nekumagaro, ndokubata mhepo. Izvi zvakrishamisa ndokutarisa kumashure kuti rione kuti nei, rakanga rabata mhepo, ndoukuona muface akamira 50m away. Rakabva rashokwa, uvhomora, ndokutiza richiti, idzi ndidzo dzinouraya.

Paqeue

Vamwe blaz vakanga varasika saka ndokuzongosvika paden peimwe king paiva pane security. Saka blaz dzakakumbira pekurara.King vaiva nembama yemwana musikana and mai king vaibika nyemba pamoto.Saka blaz avhunzwa naking kuti ainzi ani akati ndonzi Matako, kuna mai king akati ndonzi Kapeche Kemwana, kuna mwana waking akati ndonzi Nyemba Dzatsva.

Saka time time blaz dzakasara nekamoko kaya vari vega blaz ndokukwira kamoko.Saka kamoko kakatanga kuchema kachiti amai huyai muone Nyemba Dzatsva. Saka mhomz yaidaidzirawo back ichiti isa mvura kaiwe.Time time yakazoti rega ndinoona kuti dzambotsva sei wanike ah! blaz vari kurova zvinhu wanzwa.

Mhoms yakatanga kudeedzerawo kuna king manje, Ikati baba huyai muone kapeche kemwana, apaking vakati ah! mai bhoyi ndingaone kapeche kemwana here ini.Mhoms yaramba  ichideedzera king vakati rega ndimboona kuti kamboita sei kapeche aka.Padzakapinda
muden blaz vachibva varova shuz vakananga kughedhi kwaiva nemaguard.

Zvikanzi na king "Batai Mata- aa-ko, ndati batai Matako". Security detail ichibva yaisa pfuti pasi ndokubata matako apa kablaz kachipfuura.

Blaz agere pagomo

Vamwe blaz heard that there was a competition ye >>>>> hombe. Muface, akafunga
zvokumbofamba achienda kun'anga. N'anga yakakudza blambi yake kuti aimonere
musana wese, akabva afunga zvekunanga kucompetition. Zvino arikufamba zvake
achizvidhonza nokuti aifunga kuti ndini wacho wavaitsvaga, akasangana ne
mumwe ainge aine yake mubhara achibva kwainge kune ma competitions.

Achishamisika muface akabvunza kuti nei, akanga arikudzoka and yet akanga
aine yake yainge iri mubhara.

Muface uyu akabva angodzungudza musoro wake wake ndokuti, "Urikuona muface
akagara apo uyo?", ndokupindurwa achinzi ehe. Akaenderera achiti "uyo
anenge akagara pagomo apo?", ndokupindurwa chinzi ehe. Akenderera achiti,
"HARISI GOMO IRO, AKAGARA PANE YAKE"

Anotonakirwa zvake Chipo

Paiva nemumwe mu face akaenda kumusha nechimoko chake kunoona ambuya. Muface uyu aiva nemuzvambu weblambi.Saka rimwe zuva akati achigeza muchinji house blambi ikapoya nepauswa ichienda panze apa tezvara vaiuyawo kuzomama vasiri kuketa kuti mukwasha ari kuvita ndokubva vastepa pablambi .Mukwasha akaridza mhere ,ndokubva tezvara vaketa sichazi ndokurova pasi vakananga kunamaChipo ndokusvikoti maChipo mwana akarooriwa zvake asi ari munhamo .Zvikanzi namaChipo nhamo yekupi ,anotonakirwa zvake Chipo.

Successful white farmer

Reporter: Mr. Chinos now that you have been allocated this huge farm what  are your ambitions?
Chinoz: I want to be a successful white commercial farmer

Mbuva yapa Kadoma

Makange muri mubhazi reku Bulawayo, muine mumwe mupfanha. Saka akaudza  conductor kuti azomumutsa kana asvika muKadoma, semunhu  aingokotsira-kotsira. 

Vava paNorton, mupfanha uya akamuka achibva  ati  kuna  Conductor, "Tasvika here muKadoma". Zvikanzi naConductor, "Iwe  mupfanha ndazvinzwa kudhara ndichakumutsa." 

Vasvika paSelouse mupfanha uye achibva  ämuka akabvunza futi kuti vakange vasvika muKadoma here. Conductor akamuti "Iwe mupfanha ndakuudza kuti ndichakumutsa, pfutseke mhani." Vava  paChegutu achibva amuka futi achibvunza kana vasvika muKadoma. Conductor  akamushaudha futi. Mupfanha uya achibva akotsira hake. Saka bhazi
  rakazopfuura muKwekwe, nemuGweru mupfanha uya akakotsira chete.  

Vava  pakati peGweru ne Bulawayo mumwewo munhu akabva ati, "Ah,  komupfanha  weMuKadoma azoburuka here patasvika muKadoma" Ndipo pavakaona  mupfanha  uya achirimo." Saka Conductor naDriver vakange vaakuda kuti mupfanha  uya  aburuke ipapo vanhu vakacomplainer vachida kuti Bhazi ridzokere kusvika kuKadoma kuye. Saka bhazi rakadzokera kuKadoma. 

Vasvika muKadoma muya,  zvikanzi na Conductor, "Mupfanha chiburuka" Zvikanzi nemupfanha  uya,  "Aiwa, ndiri kuenda kuBulawayo, ticket rangu ndere kuBulawayo. Ndanga  ndanzi naamai kana ndasvika muKadoma ndochizodya huku yavanga  vandigadzirira"

udzai vana chokwadi

John(6yrs) ari kubva kuchikoro anosangana nezvikomana zvitatu. chimwe chezvikomana izvi chinomutuka chichiti, "mboro yababa yako." john  kanosvika kumba kobvunza amai koti "mhamha chii chinonzi mboro." mhamha vanoti, "ruoko mwanangu." remangana acho john kanoenda kuchikoro kosangana nezvikomana zviya zvinomutuka zvichiti, "beche ramai vako." john kanosvika kumba kobvunza amai kuti beche chii. amai vanoti, "iziso mwanangu." john kanonzwisisa konyarara hako.

remangwana acho mumba makazara vaenzi amai vanoti, "john ndigachidze kapu iyo." john kanoti, "handisvikiri tumai baba vane mboro refu." vanhu vese vaiva mumba vanokatyamadzwa nazvo votanga kuseka vachiburitsa musodzi mumaziso. john kanomira pamberi pavo koti, " ko! muri kunyanya kusekei zvemunobva maburitsa musodzi mubeche?"

Handina kumborara

ndanga ndafa nekurohwa kumusha nenyaya yekabhuru kangu kanonzi matope, rinova ndiro rimwe zita rekudzinza kwedu. 

kabhuru aka kanga kavatira kachidya mumunda masabhuku apo iye sabhuku anga asipo paingova nemudzimai wake chete.Ramangwana racho ainge obvunzwa kuti vainge varara sei. Ivo mai vaya vakati "Aahh ndamborara here namatope kungoisa musora papillow yatovamo , kungodai yapinda , kungoda kutsinzina yapinda , kungodzima kenduru yatovamo handina kurara zvachose Sabhuku vakatozonzwisisa nyaya vatobata demo" !

Ndini wasu ndatenga

Umwe WAsu akatorwa nemwana wake nemota vakanange Harare.  Zvino Wasu aiobserva zvaiitwa neson yake .Son yake yaidriva ichibhita mared robot. Vakati vasvika
paBank vakasvika bank richivharwa son ichibva yatora mari paATM. Vakazoti voenda 
kunotenga grocery mari ichibva yarambe kuite enough. Son yakobva yasaine check.

Wasu akati odzokere kumusha akati oudze wife feedback achiti " Mai, Wasu abudirire. Takati tosvike Harare marobot aiite Red dzimwe mota dzichimira kuiitira kuti Wasu adarike. Tazoti tasvike mubank, bank richibve ravharwa ndobva Wasu apiwe mari nepahwindo. Tazoti taende kunotenga grocery, mari ndokurambe kuite enough zvikanzi naWasu hazvinetse, ndokunyore tsamba kuna manager kuti ndini Wasu ndatenga."

Yangu yamira

Murume nemukadzi vakasangana pasina mumwe munhu zvake. Murume ave kupfuura asina kumbotaura chinhu nemukadzi uyu, zvakashamisa mukadzi kuti chirudzii.

Mukadzi akati hazviite kuti murume apfuure asina kumbotaura neni. akati regai ndimutaudze ini Akati: "Nhai mukwasha ko dzimbori nguvaiko?"
Murume, sezvo watch yanga isisa shande akangoti, "A a a
amai yangu yamira". Mukadzi uya kwavekuti zvakanakai mukwasha.

Vave kuparadzana murumewo kwave kuti : "Ko imi amai munobva kupi?" 
Mukadzi kwave kungoti: "Aa kwangu kwaZvimba mukwasha"