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Vana sir vamunoziva

Teacher: give me the names of Sirs you know

John: Sir Winston Churchill
Peter: Sir Alex Ferguson
Tracy: Sir Allan Wilson
Chinoz : Sir Unononga (Seunononga)!

Akapusa ndiyani

Professor vachitukana nemukadzi wavo;
Prof: hauna kufunda ndosaka wakapusa nekuzungaira. 
Wife: akazungaira nekupusa ini newe ndiani,ndiri nani ndakaroorwa naprofessor, ko iwe wakaroora mukadzi asina kana grade 7.

Askana siyanai nemurume wangu

Private caller - Hello am l speaking to Anita?
Anita - Yes
Private caller - Askana siyanayi nezvekufonerana nemurume wangu handiti!!!
Anita -Ndanga ndatya ndafunga kuti muchati ndirege kurara naye.Kana zvakadaro iribho. gudnight

Gogo vakaura jaya re 25yrs

Magistrate ~ Nhai gogo mune makore mangani,
Gogo - 85 mambo wangu
Magistrate - saka zvakafamba sei kuti musvike pakuuraya jaya rine makore 25?
Gogo - kakomana aka kakauya ndigere zvangu, ndokundi mbundikira zvinoronyoro, ropa rangu ndokumhanya. Kakabva kapuruzira mazamu ndakatanga kumerera muviri wese, ndokubva kanditsvoda ndinzwe bvunzi rangu kumira richiti nyaunyau...ndokubva kanditakura ndokundiwisira pamubheda ndakanzwa kumhanyamhanya mudumbu nemufaro...hapano kabvisa bhurugwa rangu ndikadikitira nekunyorvera netarisiro...ndopakakabva kati "Happy April Fools Day!"
Kana ndimiwo magistrate maiti ndaigodiniwo pakadaro? Ndakamuuraya ipapo ipapo!!!

Baba vachizama sisi vebasa

Amai vemba vanga vaenda ku holiday and Baba vemusha vakanga vatorine chikara chekuti vatoluma. Vakati zano vakati rega ndiite plan nemusikana webasa uyo akanga ava ne 2 weeks achangobva kumusha and aisaratidza kungwara ngwara.

Vakamusheedza mu bedroom ndokubvisa bhurugwa ravo ndokunongedzera chinhu chavo

Baba : Unoziva kuti chii here ichi?
Sisi : (vachinyaririra) Hongu baba
Baba : Unoziva basa racho?

Sisi : Ehe

Baba : ita tione

Sisi pakarepo vakabva vapfugama nemabvi ndokubata chinhu nemaoko maviri ndokuswedera pedyo pedyo ndokuvhura muromo... 

Baba vakabva vatsinzinya maziso vagadzirira...

Sisi ndokuti : "chekutanga ndoda kukwazisa amai na baba vangu vari ku
Uzumba ndozokwazisa sekuru Jowero na Tete Esinathi, ndinokumbirawo
mundiridzire kambo kanonzi 'this time haulume'..."

Gudo rakakwira danda...

Question: Gudo rakakwira danda rikadonha. Chii chakadonha?
A. GUDO 
B. DANDA 
C.GUDO NEDANDA 
D. HAPANA

Shamwari dzinovaka

I went to Church this Sunday and the apostle said I must only play neshamwari dzinovaka. Saka kubvira nhasi ndakutamba hangu nemabhiridha.

Mukomana achi pfimba musikana

Kunyenga kwakaoma akomana. Mumwe muface akati achinyenga babie apererwanemasasi akabata ruoko rwe babie zvikanzi "unomboziva kuti ndorutyora here..."

Ndasangana nerimwe benzi ndikati, "Ko nhai mukuraramawo sei neChando ichi nokuti zvachirikuita mumba uine magumbeze kuzoti imi mapenzi panze?"

Zvikanzi "Shamwari ndopaunoona kuti kana usiri serious nekupenga unodzokera kumba..."

Price controls

Muface akaenda kunoroora he's introducing his delegation...

"Ava ndisekuru vangu, uyu mukoma wangu, kwozoita avo vagere apo mupurisa weprice control..

Chinoz anakirwa ne H-Metro

Chinoz akatenga H-Metro akanakirwa, akaseka ndokuseka ndokubuditsa dollar zvikanzi ndipe rimwe shamwari

Fata achibatsira gungano rake

Umwe mwana kumusha akagara pasi muchechi asina bhurukwa fata vaka zviona vakati: "mwana, kana chechi yapera undione."

Mwana akaenda kunovaona zvikanzi nafata "Tora $10 utenge mabhurukwa wanzwa!"

Mwana akafara, amai vacho vakazviona then next weekend vakaendawo vasina bhurukwa ndo kunogara pa front row vaka shadabura. Zvikanzi na fata "amai mundione , kana chechi yapera".

Amai vakaona fata ndokubva fata ati, "Amai oyi 2rand mutenge razor"

Wife and Hubby watching soccer

Wife and hubby watching soccer:

Wife: sweetie ko uyo akapfekerei zvakasiyana nezvevamwe?
Hubby: Ndi keeper anogara pagedhi. 

After 5 min,
Wife: Ko keeper uya zvaava kumhanya mukati, asiya ghedhi nani?
Hubby: Uyu ndi refree, haasi keeper.
Wife: Saka refree anoita basa rei?
Hubby: Ndiye ano controller game.

After 10 min,

Wife: Ko refree uya zvaamira paraini futi?
Hubby: Uyu ndi assistant refree kana kuti linesman.
Wife: Asi arikuda kusabhura refree ari mukati?
Hubby: No, anoshandira paline ipapo.

After 30 seconds,
Wife: Saka mureza waasimudza uwo iflag yekunyika ipi?
Hubby: Nhai Mwari ndaparei nhasi? Uku team yangu irikurohwa....uku ndirikubvunzwa zvisina maturo...!!

Tsumo - vapositori vs mapurisa

  • Kurova kunoda kwa John Cena, kwaMadzibaba kunoponjesa Mapurisa
  • Chirove chigokurovawo
  • Kupusa kwevane button stick, kudenha vane tsvimbo gozha.
  • Mupurisa asingadzikame, anofira mumaoko eMapostori
  • Chiripo chavawana, Mapostori haangorove Mapurisa.
  • Kwava kusakara kwe tsvimbo, sedzisakambo shanda pa kirawa.
  •  Ane Mupostori ndeane wake, kudeedza Mupurisa kupedza nguva.
  • Chinono chine ma Officer, Mapostori akarova achitiza.
  • Tsvimbo inopihwa anodenha vari kunyengetera.
  • Mwana waChihuri muranda kumasowe.
  • Kunamata kunamata havo,mapostori kudenhwa pasowe anorikita munhu.
  • Panorangwa mwana waChihuri, hwindi teerera.
  • Mupurisa rudzi,anozvara mwana anorohwa.
  • Mupurisa kuroverwa pavanhu hunzi nditandirwe tsvimbo.
  • Tsvimbo muti unorova waunoda.
  • Chidamwoyo mupurisa akada marwadzo.

Tsumo - vapositori/mapurisa

  1. Mapurisa kusunga kusunga hawo asi madzibaba varipakirau havasungwe.
  2. Dzaimbova tsvimbo dzamoses dzava mboma kurovesa mapurisa.
  3. Kudada kwaofficer kuti u are under arrest kuna madzibaba pachechi.
  4. Chiripo charovesa officer nemapostori kuti madzibaba hakurovese
  5. Chaidzingirira chava kutiza.

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