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shongrish

SIPHO: When days are duck, friends are few.

NHLANHLA: Oh My Gosh he boat me flours.

AYANDA: Let me bath the dishes before l sleep.

SIYA: Who case if Kanye Weist is dating Kim Quatation.

NTOKOZO: I'm my mothers only female daughter.

NTOMBI: I miss my Mom and Dead shem.

LEBO: Life is too short to hold garages.

KAY: Eish, I have chest pains all over my body.

SINDI: I meat her after school.

ndatya kuti pamwe ndo baba vangu

Mumwe murume akabata mukadzi wake nechikomba. Akarwisana nechikomba chakabva chamukurira. 
Mwana wake mukomana aivapo asi haana kubatsira baba vake, akangoramba amire zvake. Baba vakamuti sei warega ndichirohwa usingandibatsire? 
Zvakanzi ndaona kuti amai ihure. Ndakarwisa chikomba pamwe ndoo baba vangu chaivo.

foni inoratidza hunhu hwako

Chingobata Phone yako then wobva waziva kuti wakamira papi

1. Blackberry = unoda zvinhu
2. Sony = unofarira kutora-tora maphotos
3.iPhone =unoda flambo
4. Nokia = wakaita swap n top
5. LG = wakango i pihwawo
6. Samsung = unetwunhu twako
7. Motorola = Old school
8. HTC =wakaitumirwa frm UK
9. ZTE/ECONET PHONES = wakasara
10. Dual sim = unotambura rough
11. Gtel= obviously hauende kubasa rinopfekwa tie
12. Huawei= waingodawo kupinda paWhatsapp

Zvidzidzo - homework ya july

Nhasi ndiri kukupai homework. Nditumirei mhinduro pamibvunzo inotevera.
1. Ko munhu anokwanisa kuchema here kana ari pasi pemvura?

2. Ko hove dzinombonzwawo nyota here?

3. Ko sei shiri dzisingadonhi padzinenge dzakarara mumuti?

4. Ko sei imba ichinzi building asi iyo yakapera kuvakwa kare?

5. Ko pavanoti chikafu chembwa chitsva uye chava kunaka zvakawedzerwa, ndiani anenge achiravira?

6. Kuudza munhu kuti ndinokuda hausi mubvunzo asi sei vanhu vachitarisira mhinduro?

7. Ko sei glue risinganamiri mugaba raro?

8. Kana muchiti mari haimeri mumiti, Ko sei mabank aine mabranches?

9. Ko sei tichiwana nzvimbo dzekupaka mota pamabhawa asi mutemo usingabvumiri kuti munhu achaire mota akanwa doro?

10. Ko sei mvura inopisa ichidzima moto asi paraffin inotonhora ichiutungidza?

Amai dofo vaenda kuchipatara nemwana

Nurse: Amai mwana wenyu anonzwei? 
Amai: Shona nechiChangani.
Nurse: Ndobvira kuti ari kubatiswa nei? 
Amai: Nechichira chamunoona chandakamubereka nacho ichi.
Nurse: Ndoreva kuti anosimbiswa nei? 
Amai : Kuda ibota rakavira randave kumupa mazuva ano. 
Nurse: Ano sweater here?
Amai: Anosiweta zvose nekusidhota kana amwa maheu akavirisa.
Nurse: Oyi mapiritsi aya momupa  maviri pazuva. 
Amai: Ko pamumvuri ndomupa mangani?

kkkk pa chat

Ukaona munhu ati kkkk zvinoreva kuti

K-anyaya
K-ako
K-ari
K-ubhowa
K-wazvo
K-uita
K-unge
K-anhongwa
K-umabhini

Sei musinga uyi nechingwa?

Wife: Nhai baba mwana zvamave ne 6 months muchishanda kuBakers Inn sei musati mambouyawo nechingwa? 
Husband: Iwe baba vako zvavakashanda 35 years kuDoves vakambouya nechitunha?

Gore rezvidzidzo - report book

Ndiri kubva kunotora report book renyu rezvidzidzo, haa harina kumbomira zvakanaka:

  • Maths 15%
  • Accounts 9%
  • Facebook 98%
  • English 15%
  • Biology 27% 
  • Makuhwa 100%   
  • Kunyeya 82%
  • Whatsapp 99%
  • Kunamata 1%
hanzi nateacher wenyu sungayi dzisimbe pachidzidzo chekupedzisira.

Aunty Rhoda - kuonda

Dear Aunyt Rhoda:
Ndirikuda kuonda asi zvirikuramba. Ndaedza kudya maHealthy Foods, nekujogger asi zvirikuramba. Please help.                                                            

Reply from Aunt:
Tora phone yemurume wako uende kuwhatsapp messages. Unoswera waonda!

Advantages enhamo dzedu mu Zimbabwe

Advantages enhamo dzedu muZIM:
Umwe mukadzi akabata murume wake aine small house. Akatsamwa akaenda kumba kumba ndokusvikogadzika poto yake yemafuta pastove afunga zvekudira murume mafuta anopisa. Akagara hake achimirira murume kuti auye mafuta achisanopisa. Murume achingopinda mukadzi akabva angoti poto iya bidzu ndokudira murume wake. Murume akashaya kuti ko mukadzi akuita sei. Mukadzi ndipo paakazoona kuti kwanga kusina magetsi....

Wasu wachiita complain kuna God

WASU ACHINAMATA:

Mwari imwimwi diko mune favour.
Ingawani Abraham musharukwa hake akakumbira mupwere imwimwi mukamupa.
Uyuwo onini Jonah wakaitwe swallow ngeshark,digestive system ikaite malfunction kwakuite vomit.
Mukoma Dan akaitwa throw mugomba remahungry lions,imwimwi mukadziite lose appetite.
Iye Moses hatimboreketi bah,akanera mvura ngendonga ichibva yaita separate nepamiddle kuzoti ari Elijah haaaaaaa, kubva mwaite wekusenda kuheaven ngerocket.
Asi inini hangu wasu ndiri kuda pondo basi yekunera Zed imwimwi mwakundiite deny. 

Ngenyi Mwari muchidaro.

Mbavha, muroyi, pfambi

Mbavha yakaroora muroyi ndokuzvara pfambi, zvino chakunetsa ndechekuti  vakushaya wekusiya pamba manheru. Pliz tipeiwo mazano tivabatsire varikuda kutobuda izvozvi.

Chinoz - kupfekedza mwana napukeni

Zvikanzi hoyo mubvunzo kuna Cde Chinoz, "Nhai vaChinoz, ko iko kupfekedza mwana ma"Nappies" kunonzi chiiko neChirungu?"

Zvikanzi naCde Chinoz, "Aaaa ibvai apa mhani, munondibvunzireiko zvakapusa kudaro? Ndoinonzi "KIDNAPPING" or ku "Kidnapper" mwana!"

Summary yezvi dzidzo

Kune vari kunze kwenyika.  Zvidzidzo izvo kuitira musasare.
1). Zvigure hazvichatizwa muroad, takutopesana nazvo mekutozvibvunza ma directions kana warasika.
2) Kuno uka driver mota uri straight unenge wakadhakwa vari sobha vanoita vachibuda muroad vodzoka kunge varikuruka madhoiri coz ma potholes awanda kupfura nzira.
3) kuno blackberry yambudzi zvekuti pa value yakutokundwa neka mtn orange screen saka muzivewo mafon ekuuya nawo.
4) whatsapp caller kuno haiite unenge uchingozvinzwa wega saka kana mafunga kufona motoisa etym henyu.
5.) Zvinhu zvikuti netsei saka panogona kuzongodiwa matissue kuno pamberi apo.
6) line renyu re econet riye rasai henyu coz muno broker coz kwane ma extra lite what what mukadzoka mozotenga re net1. 
7) kuno munhu wese ari kudzidza saka mukadzoka be ready kujoina chirongwa chedzidzo. 
8) baba jukwa hakuchina. Ma facebook bundles akudhura
9) chihure chakatenderwa saka moudza hanzvadzi dzedu kuti ngavauye vatengesere nyama kumba havo.
10) mabasa kuno hakuna

Zvituko 2015

Zvituko:

  1. Magaro asina mutsetse.
  2. Nhamo iri kumba kwenyu haiite munongoswerera mvura kunge radiator.
  3. Kushata kunge mazowe adhailutwa nastepmother.
  4. Mumba mugomba mekuti vanhu vakati kokoko moti wirai
  5. Kusviba zvekuti kana ukavhara muromo, vanhu vanofunga kuti waenda.
  6. Kumba kune nhamo kunodyiwa sadza rinopisa nerakatonhora. Rakatonhora riri muriwo.
  7. Kusviba kwekuti ukabata mwana anokotsira achiti hwaausiku.
  8. Kusviba kwekuti ukaenfa pasi pemutsubvu,dzodonha dzese dzichiti "IGWEEEE".
  9. Kushata kunge cheni dzakaunganidzwa.
  10. Mwana wemvana,wakajaidzwa nambuya vaimama urikumusana.
  11. Kumusha kure kunosvika mapositori akuimba Zim dancehall.
  12. Kusviba kunoendesa amai nababa kun'anga vachiti mwana awora.
  13. Kumusha kne nhamo inotora mapfihwa ichikanda kure . 
  14. Shaya sembwa irikutsenga namo.
  15. Mateya sembwa irikuyerera nerukova.
  16. Mbuya munigga vano dropa pitcot
  17. Kusviba kwekuti shumba ikaruma inoti ptu chakatsva.
  18. Zvigaro sembadzi dzematobwe.
  19. Shena sembwa yasurira pamadota.
  20. Mukanwa mune mvere uka sucker sweet inozonaka mangwana.

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