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Ndakatengesa madomasi

Interviewer: VaChiyangwa, makazvigona sei kuti musvike kuita millionaire?
Phillip Chiyangwa: Ndakarima madomasi 1 million ndikamatengesa dhora dhora.

Mu Zimbabwe zviri kufaya nema Anointing Oil

MuZimmbabwe zvirikufaya:

Boss ane anointing oil yake kuti vashandi vanzwisise,mushandi aneanointing yake kuti boss vanzwisise.Mwana wechikoro  aneanointing pen,mudzidzisi aneanointing pen and anointing oil yake kuti ave nevana vanogona. Vasikana varikuno vaneanointing oil yerudo,vakomana vaneanointing oil yekunyenga.Mbavha dzine anointing oil yekuba,vanobirwa anointing oil yekusabirwa.Varimhiri muchadzidza zvakawanda December uno kana mauya

Handidi zveku dyiwa ne chimoko

Givhi: ko kabhebhi kaya wazodii nako
Tindo: ndakasiya ini handidi zvekudyiwa
Givhi: wazviziva sei wangotaura nako 5 minutes
Tindo: kati zita rangu ndonzi Chelsea. 

Zimbabwe yakachipa kufona kana uri ku Gehena

Mubritish, muamerican  nemuzimba vakafa vakaenda kugehena. 
Akatanga mubritish akada kufonera vanhu  vake vekuUK kuti anzwe kuti vasara sei. Akapiwa akafona 5minutes apedza akabvunza kuti imarii satani akati $5million ndokukumbira computer kuti atransfer mari yacho.

Tevere muamerican kusada kusarira akafona 15minutes kwakubvunza kuti imarii satani akati 15million akamunyorera cheque.

Muzimba akafonera vanhu vake akataura 48hrs kwakubvunza kuti imarii satani akati $1, muzimba akachibvunza kuti chii chikonzero? Zvikanzi naSatani kana urikugehena uchifonera Zimbabwe zvakachipa coz iLocal.

Chinoz vachitaura nezve mutongo wa Gumbura

Reuben Barwe: Achinotimba munotii nemutongo waGumbura 40 yrs pakubata rape kwaakaita? 
Chinoz: Aaa kana vachiti kubata rape 40 yrs, ko isu tinoirima a bva kufira mujeri. Ini pandakazvinzwa kuti Gumbura apiwa 40 yrs pakubata rape ndakabva ndatoitema,ikozvino ndorima tsunga, covo, muboora nechembere dzagumhana nezvimwe zvakadaro kwete rape ndofira mujere. Kana kubata kuchiita 40 yrs kuzoti kuirima.

Ingadayi yava dhora fifty

Sekuru vakatuma muzukuru ne50cents kundotenga coke. Muzukuru ari munzira mari yakabva yarasika ndokutsvaga asi akayi shaiwa. 

Gare gare sekuru vakaita follow up ndokuwana mzukuru achingo zeya zeya ndokubvunza kuti zvaita sei, zvikanzi "mari yarasika". Sekuru vakabva vatanga kupopota vachirova mzukuru zvakaita kuti apedzisire akudzorerawo. 

Vari mutsumburumbu iyi, pakabva pasvika pastor zvikanzi munorwirei ndobva vaudzwa. Zvikanzi na pastor "mungarwira 50cents?", vachibva vapa $1 kuna sekuru. 

Pastor vava kuenda, vakangotii fambei zvishoma nyonga nyonga ndobva yatangazve! Zvikanzi zvaita sei futi? Sekuru vakabva vati "mzukuru arasa coin rangu!"  Pastor vakabva vati  "inga ndakupai $1 wani?"

Sekuru vaya vachibva vati "Ingadai yave $1.50"

Chihure

Umwe mface akuudzwa kuti kana achinge aenda kubasa mukadzi wake anoisa chikomba paden. Rimwe zuva akati ndoda kumbozvionera ndobva audza mkadzi kuti ndichamboenda kubasa ndichaita vhiki ndisati ndauya. 
Akava aenda, mkadzi ndokufonera chikomba zvikanzi "baby huya zvako tine party yeweek rose!" 
Muchinda haana kunonoka ndobva asvika ndokupinda muroom rakaipa, bedroom, ndokuita 4play vachingopedza kukurura ndokunzwa ko..ko..ko..ko pa door.
Muukadzi: "ndiani "
Murume: "ndini baba aTawanda vhura door"
Lucky imba yacho ndidzo dziya dzekumaruva dzechikare dzinoti pasi bedroom pamusoro pocroswa matanda panoiswa zviyo &then roof pekupedzisira. Mukadzi akafunga zano chop chop zvikanzi, iwe kwira pamusoro apo uvate ipapo tozoona zvimwe zvekuita. 
Sezvo pakange pasisina zviyo zvakaita easy ndobva chikomba charara chakatarisa pasi semunhu aitya. Muridzi wemba ndokupinda. Semunhu ange achinzwa zvese, akarara pabed akatarisa mudenga. 
Saka jende rechikomba rakabudira muroom repazasi mkadzi ndiye akatanga kuriona ndobva adzima light murume zvikanzi batidza light pane chandisina kuona mushe..'ko icho chiiko mai T'. 
Mukadzi: "ibhero ndatengera manzuma iya yekushupa ndizvozvo chete ndidzime zvangu" 
Murume: "mira ndoda kunzwa kuti rinorira sei" achitora nduku ndobva ari buuu kurova zvikanzi "ngendeee".." inga rinorira zvinofadza rega ndidzokorore zvakare" achibva abata nemaoko ese kwaku rova ngesimba zvikanzi."ndati ngende mhani".

Muzukuru ugotiunziravo Chelsea

Muzukuru: gogo ndikuya kumusha ikoko mangwana.munoda kuti ndikuunzirei chii nhai gogo.
Gogo: unongouya nezvaunosindiunzira muzukuru asi uwedzere necheresia yandangonzwa nembiri yekudyika tigoiravirawo

Sisi vebasa pa whatsapp profile picture

Amai vakachinja profile pic kubvisa yababa kwakuisa ya pastor. 
Baba: ko chave chii zve pa pro pic?
Amai: ndawona kuti pastor vanotinamatira misi nenguva mazuva ose saka ndati ndivaisei paprof pic apa..
Baba ndokuti zvakanaka. Baba vachibva vachinjawo ndokuisa remusikana webasa (house girl). Amai vachinodai pa App yababa wanikwe pa prof pic pave na sisi. 
Amai: zvaita sei chii chandirikuona ichi?
Baba: ndawona kuti sisi vanotiira zvose, kubika, kuwacha zvese nekuchengeta vana isu tirikubasa. ndawona zvirinani ndimbovaisa paprofile pic pangu

Ma stands ari kutengeswa

Mozoti hatina kukuudzai kuti kune mastands arikutengeswa. Panodiwa proof of residence, id card, bank statement deposit $50 wonoratidziwa stand yaunoda! Ingave candle stand, solar stand TV Stand zvose zvirimo nemaRadio stands

Bond coin ne rand pa tuckshop

Wotosvika paTuckshop uchida maheu wobvunza kut imarii zvobva zvanzi 5rand iwe neconfidence wobudisa 5 rand yacho.
Ndipo paunonzwa zvonzi aah mari idzi hatisi kutambira mazuva ano dzirikuzotinetsa. Tirikuda mabond. Wotoshaya kuziva kuti bond rakazoita rand riinhi?
Ndopaunozoona kut zvidzidzo zvegore rino ukaita zvekutamba unofoira.

kare mari yaitenga chaizvo!

Unonzwa vakuru vachiti kare mari yaitenga chaizvo! Ende zvinhu zvanga zvakanaka! Asi chinoshamisa ndechekuti unonzwa vachiti taienda kuchikoro  nemangayi, maheu, kudya sadza nemhodzi dzemanhanga...
Unotoshaya kuti mari yacho yaitenga mangayi here. 

Bhavhadheyi rako unosheya nani

Ndeupi wauno sheya naye mwedzi wawakazvarwa nawo apa?
January - Magaya
February- R.Mugabe
March - Tsvangirai
Aprill - Gumbura
May- Marabha
June - Mai Chisamba
July - Jah Praizah
August - Chinotimba
September - Macheso
October - Zhakata
November - Vharazipi
December - Makandiwa

Then wauno share naye ndoyava nickname yako!

Heat Wave ku Kariba haizotishayisi doro?

Whilst vamwe vese muri worried nekudyiwa kweChelsea, Ini I am equally worried nekupera kwemvura muKariba. 
Fear yangu ndeyekuti mvura iyi haizoperi here zvekuti Delta inozoshaya mvura yekubikisa doro.

Tsivo - sahwira akandirega ndichi chata newe

Wife: Nhai baba Choklate, madini kuyambira shamwari yenyu iri kuchata next week kuti mukadzi waari kuchata naye haaite, ihure, huchapa futi ane makuhwa!
Husband : Ndinomuudzirei? Its a pay back time! Iye akandiregera ndichichata newe wani

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