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Pakudzingwa kwema vendors nekanzuru

MaVendors akagara asina kumbobvira aziiva pekutengesera. 
Vakambovhiringwa naJesu mutembere izvezvi hokoyoyi NeKanzuru

Mfundisi abvunzwa nzira yeku posvo

Mufundisi akabvunza chidhakwa nzira yeku Post Office. 
Aratidzwa nzira akatenda chaizvo mufundisi akati kuchidhakwa: "waitabasa wozouyawo kuchurch ndokuratidza nzira yekudenga ".
Chidhakwa chakadzedzereka chichiseka, chikati: "wozoziva yekudenga iwe wambotadza yekuPost Office?"

Zamanishoni re Zimsec shona

Zimsec O'level Shona 
Multiple Choice :
Chii chatino kama kana taenda kudanga ? 
A . Mombe 
B . Mukaka 
C . Zamhu
D . Minyatso 

Kunaka kwedoro

Pastor vachitsanangura zvidhakwa kuipa kwakaita doro nekunaka kwakaita Fanta, vakatora maworms maviri one ndokukanda mufanta then the other one mubeer .After a short while they checked and discovered that the one in the beer was dead and the one in Fanta was still alive.Then pastor asked"madzidzei apa"?One drankard answered"tadzidza kuti vanhu vanonwa doro havana maworms mudumbu".                  

Kusada kugeza

Matthew 5:28: "Uyo anotarisa mkadzi neziso, akamuchiva, atoita upombwe naye."
Kubva 1 June 2015: "Uyo anotarisa mvura neziso, akaichiva, atogeza." June unotonhora ngatisanyeperana.

Kuenda kudenga

Vatendi kana muchida kuenda kudenga musangonamate church dzese dzese tangai MAGAYA musati MAKANDIWA mugomba nekuti muno GUMBURA Mwari gore rino tichadzidza zvakawanda!

Nditengerewo ice cream

Toti Tindo ane mhosva here apa??? Tindo akange achiona hake bhora vari mu stadium ndokubva kwanzi nemumwe mdhara, "Mfana enda undondi tengera ice cream ndobva apiwa $ 2 , Ndokubva anzi utengewo yako sezvo yayiita $ 1 each , Tindo ndokuenda ndobva adzoka achitorova yake ndokudzosera mdhara $ 1 zvikanzi ndasvika kwasara 1 chete.

Gore rezvidzidzo - kuzviuraiwa

Izwi ra nhasi: 
KUZVIURAIWA.

A situation where some senior person is murdered but reported as suicide.

Chinoz - tangai nezvidiki

Mwana waChinos fails to spell e word COW.
Teacher meets e parent n let him know..
Chinos respond ... "mungadaiwo mamutanga nezvidiki like mosquitoes not a cow"
Igore rezvidzidzo nhai...

chinoz - marudzi ema kiss

Teacher - ndiani angatipewo marudzi ekiss amunoziva? 
Caleb - deep kiss, 
Gift - french kiss, 
Chinoz - kiss dhondoro. 
Teacher - chii????? 
Chinoz - sorry, kiss musi

Gore Rezvidzidzo - tichadzidza zvakawanda

  1. Chombo says the army will use the army to get vendors off the streets.
  2. Sekeramayi says army will not be used for that purpose.
  3. Grace says vendors must not be chased away.
  4. Dokora says children must go with cell phones to school.
  5. Wadyajena says children must not go with cell phones to school.
  6. Wadyajena says school children must be given ZANU PF membership cards.
  7. Jonathan Moyo says joining ZANU PF is voluntary.
  8. Hungwe addresses Mphoko as second VP.
  9. Mphoko says he is not second VP.
  10. Mugabe accuses USA.
  11. Mugabe sends Chinamasa to the USA government for money.
  12. Kasukuwere says Mukupe is the right candidate for Harare east.
  13. Chombo says Mavis Gumbo is the right candidate for Harare East.
  14. other ZANU PF supporters say "pamberi neZANU"
  15. Mugabe says "pasi neZANU Pf" (ZANU Pf 2014 congress".
  16. other Zanu supporters believe the MDC-T got 49 % during the 1st round of 2008 elections.
  17. 17) Mugabe says MDC-T won with 71 % in the same elections.
  18. 18) Oil prices decreases.
  19. 19) Mugabe's government lowers the price for petrol.
  20. 20) Mugabe says there is democracy in Zimbabwe.
  21. 21) Mugabe fails to answer a simple question on the issue of democracy when he was in Nigeria.

Gore Rezvidzidzo - akarwa hondo ndiyani

So, akarwa hondo yekusunungura Zimbabwe ndiyani?

Mujuru haana kudonhedza chikopokopo,

Didymus Mutasa haana kurwa hondo ayive busy with his wife in Mozambique,

Munangagwa was in Zambia studying, 

Mugabe was teaching in Ghana

Iro gore rino tichadzidza zvakawanda

mhuka inomanya chaizvo

Kamwe kamwana kaka bvunzwa na teacher kuti: "ndeipi mhuka inomhanya chaizvo?" 
Kaka davira kachiti: "CHIKOMBA. Daddy vangu vakatadza kuchibata nezuro vasvika chakarara pamubhedha ende chine muswe kumberi"

chinoz - ma vendor muma streets

REPORTER: Cde munoti kudii nekudzingwa kukuitwa maVendors muma streets?

CHINOZ: Inin ndikutoshaya kurusarura rwabva papi futi, zvikunzi maVenda chete ndooabve ko maShona, maNdebele nemaMachawa akutengesawo mustreet arikusiirwei?!

Rumuko rwemadzimai

Ini ndinongoda hangu kukutendai semhuri yezimbabwe ndichiti mamka sei,kuti msazozoti anga asingati vanhu mamuka sei.iyo mamuka sei ingodikwavo kuti vanhu vazivewo kuti mamuka sei saka musazorega kuti mamuka sei nekuti ini ndichazoregawo kuti mamuka sei ,kana mukaramba musingati mamuka sei kkkkkkkkk iwe unongorambawo uchiverenga kunge usina kukwana.ob taksy

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