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Zvinhu zvese zvongo kwira

Mudzidzisi akabvunza vana kuti 1+1 = chii?
Umwe mwana ndokusimuka akati 1+1=4, umwe mudhara aitopfuura achibva kunobhadharirara vana fees ndokuzvinzwa. 

Mudhara uya akabva adzungudza musoro akati "Nzara
ichatiuraya muno munyika! Zvinhu zvichingokwira kudai, kubva ku transport, peturo, zvikafu kana iyo 1+1 yaimbova 2 ikozvino yatokwira yava 4"

Kushata kweRhodesia, Kunaka kweZimbabwe

KUSHATA KWERHODESIA

1. Wakadzidza kana kuti hauna basa wairiwana.
2. Kwaitengeswa mombe 1 kuendesa mwana kuUniversity.
3. Uchingobva kuUniversity basa, mota nemba straight.
4. Waimanikidzwa kuchata kuti upiwe imba mahara mutown.
5. Companies vaipa vashandi vavo hove dzakaomeswa (bakayawo) nesipo yekugeza maovhorosi.
6. Kwaisadiwa munhu asingashandi kugara mudhorobha.
7. Baba kana vafa mwana aibva apinzwa basa ipapo pasina interview.
8. Kana nguva yekurima yakwana waigona kumbosiya zvako basa mutown wonorima, uchidzoka basa rako rakakumirira.
9. Migwagwa yaive isina makomba makomba.
10. Kumisha mwana airangwa nemunhu mukuru wese pasina kupopoterana.
11. Vanhu vaimwa mvura yemurwizi vasingarware.

KUNAKA KWEZIMBABWE
1. Munhu wese ava kutengesa zvaanoda pamadiro.
2. Vanhu vava kupindawo muzvimbudzi zvaive zvevarungu chete uchisiya R5.
3. Tave kubvumidzwa kutenga ivhu 400 square metres neUS$4000 tozovaka imba yedu ipapo.
4. There is equality, ane degree neasina kana grade 1 tese mustreet.Mabasa hakuchina vanhu votopona nediaspora.
5. Kana une top face muhurumende unopiwa munda 50 ha, inputs wozvionera.
6. Mari inombopera kumabanks, zvobatsira kuti uichengetedze wega. Haupuhwi interest.
7. Kuuraya shumba kutokonzeresa pane kuuraya munhu.
8. Tava kukwanisa kubhadhara medical aid for no services at all.

Tiri mugore rezvidzidzo

Kuroora mazuvano ekushaika kwemagetsi

Nekunetsa kwaita ZESA .....Ukaroora gore rino unonzi toda 6masolar ehumai 5 ma generator anotsika,vhuramuromo 20litres diesel

Kuoma kwezvinhu kunge Ndira

Ndinoziva kuti paane vanhu vanobata bata but pliz kana pane akabata calender akadzosera kuna January, pliz tigadzirisirewo. Manetsero emari aya ndijanuary chete uyu!

Rangarira kwaunobva

Rangarira kwaunobva kwaunoenda husiku, ungava musalad sei asi pakutora chitupa unotobvuzwa zita raSabhuku.

Chinoz - Mudare

Judge - Va Chinotimba sei makarova mukadzi wenyu ne chair ?
Chinoz - Aaah ndakatadza kusimudza table

Murungu wemu foni ashaika

Sei sei? Mazvinzwa here kuti murungu uya anogara achiti YOU HAVE INSUFFIENT CREDIT TO MAKE THIS CALL, ashayika so fonayi mahara izvezvi vasati vaisa mumwe

Wanga uchireva zvidya zvipi?

Tindo: anosvika pane madzimai vanotengesa machicken cuts mumadhishi                      

Tindo:Zvidya zvenyu imarii?     

Mukadzi: $1 for  2                          

Tindo:Ko zvehuku?                 

Mukadzi: Pfutseki saka wanga uchireva zvipi? 

Kutamba pa basa

Hosiah Chipanga akabvunzwa kuti why paBand renyu murimi munongotamba mega zvikanzi hapana mushandi anobvumirwa kutamba pabasa

Stove yeku China

Mukanzwa arikuda stove,ndine yandiri kutengesa Made in China:
  • inopinda ma earphones ekunzwa zvauri kubika,
  • ine blu-tooth yekusender food mudyning,
  • ine torch,ine remote yekupindurisa zvaunenge uchibika,
  • inopinda memory card rekudownloader marecipe,
  • ine wi-fi unogona kubika uchishandisa mapoto epa next door

Chinoz ninja circumcision

President we China akaita competition yekuda kuona the best ninja pasi rese. Saka pamaninja ese akaenda ikoko, pakasara 3 vanga vakapenga: weku Japan, mumwe weku England and
Chinoz from Africa.

Vakanzi do your best trick ndobva vakapiwa mosquito. Weku England akakanda mosquito ndokutora sword rake ndiye," ....... Whoooooooooosh, whooooosh!!" mosquito yakadonha pasi in 3 pieces!

Weku Japan akati I can do beta than that ndoku kandawo mosquito mudenga ndiye," Whooooosh,Whooooosh,whoooooosh , whooooosh!!" and the mosquito fell in 4 pieces...... wedu 

Chinoz akambomira achigaya kuti oita sei, ndokukanda mosquito mudenga ndiye "Whoooooosh aaaaaaaaaaya whoooooooooooosh!!" but mosquito yakaramba ichibhururuka.

President vakatsamwa vakati "what is this!"
Chinoz akapindura achiti, "Mukanyatsotarisisa, you will see kuti the Mosquito has been circumcised!!!"

Wasu mumazuvano ekushusha kwemagetsi

Nenyaya yekunetsa kwemagetsi iyi, manje manje kumakomoyo (kwana wasu) kuchatanga kuita vana vanemazita akafanana neawa:
1. Darkness Phiri
2. Blackout Tembo
3. Pitch-black Mwanza
4. Matches Banda
5. Candle Ngoma
6. Generator Mbewe
7. Paraffine Soko
8. kilowatt phiri
9. Gasstove Tembo
10. Kariba Dam mkandawire
11. Low water Zulu
12. Bulb Daka
13. Energy Saving phiri
14. Low Voltage Sakala
15. Switch Tembo
16. Off Zimba
17. On Mbewe
18. Malasha Lungu
19. Mbaula Phiri
20. Lamp zulu

kare kwanga kwaka chipa

Zvinhu zvakanga zvakanaka kare. Mdhara aiudza hake vazukuru vake how in the old days he could go kumaShop nedhora achinouya ne 2 loafs, chisaga chemaPotatoe, gaba reJam, tsapo yemaSweets ne kaShuga.. 
Asi zvamazuvaano hazvichaiti, too many security cameras muzvitoro!

Huya pano ne chiNdebele

Teacher: ndiani anogona ndebele munomu?
Kid: ini ndokiya kiya
Teacher: ko kana uchida kuti kumuhu huyapano unoti chiii?
Kid: buya lapa
Teacher: ok .kokana wakuda kuti adzokere kwaabva unotichii?
Kid: azvinetsi ndongoenda kwaabva ndoti buya lapa futi

Michero pa whatsapp

One day, fruits wr playin a game on watsapp...

GRAPE: i look like e human eye

MANGO: i look like a human heart

BEANS: i look like a human kidney

MANGO: kkk. Iwe Bhinzi usanyepere kuzungaira

BANANA: 👀

BEANS: Banana uriwe ibva wati zii hako

   Dohwe left group

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