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Wanga uchireva zvidya zvipi?

Tindo: anosvika pane madzimai vanotengesa machicken cuts mumadhishi                      

Tindo:Zvidya zvenyu imarii?     

Mukadzi: $1 for  2                          

Tindo:Ko zvehuku?                 

Mukadzi: Pfutseki saka wanga uchireva zvipi? 

Kutamba pa basa

Hosiah Chipanga akabvunzwa kuti why paBand renyu murimi munongotamba mega zvikanzi hapana mushandi anobvumirwa kutamba pabasa

Stove yeku China

Mukanzwa arikuda stove,ndine yandiri kutengesa Made in China:
  • inopinda ma earphones ekunzwa zvauri kubika,
  • ine blu-tooth yekusender food mudyning,
  • ine torch,ine remote yekupindurisa zvaunenge uchibika,
  • inopinda memory card rekudownloader marecipe,
  • ine wi-fi unogona kubika uchishandisa mapoto epa next door

Chinoz ninja circumcision

President we China akaita competition yekuda kuona the best ninja pasi rese. Saka pamaninja ese akaenda ikoko, pakasara 3 vanga vakapenga: weku Japan, mumwe weku England and
Chinoz from Africa.

Vakanzi do your best trick ndobva vakapiwa mosquito. Weku England akakanda mosquito ndokutora sword rake ndiye," ....... Whoooooooooosh, whooooosh!!" mosquito yakadonha pasi in 3 pieces!

Weku Japan akati I can do beta than that ndoku kandawo mosquito mudenga ndiye," Whooooosh,Whooooosh,whoooooosh , whooooosh!!" and the mosquito fell in 4 pieces...... wedu 

Chinoz akambomira achigaya kuti oita sei, ndokukanda mosquito mudenga ndiye "Whoooooosh aaaaaaaaaaya whoooooooooooosh!!" but mosquito yakaramba ichibhururuka.

President vakatsamwa vakati "what is this!"
Chinoz akapindura achiti, "Mukanyatsotarisisa, you will see kuti the Mosquito has been circumcised!!!"

Wasu mumazuvano ekushusha kwemagetsi

Nenyaya yekunetsa kwemagetsi iyi, manje manje kumakomoyo (kwana wasu) kuchatanga kuita vana vanemazita akafanana neawa:
1. Darkness Phiri
2. Blackout Tembo
3. Pitch-black Mwanza
4. Matches Banda
5. Candle Ngoma
6. Generator Mbewe
7. Paraffine Soko
8. kilowatt phiri
9. Gasstove Tembo
10. Kariba Dam mkandawire
11. Low water Zulu
12. Bulb Daka
13. Energy Saving phiri
14. Low Voltage Sakala
15. Switch Tembo
16. Off Zimba
17. On Mbewe
18. Malasha Lungu
19. Mbaula Phiri
20. Lamp zulu

kare kwanga kwaka chipa

Zvinhu zvakanga zvakanaka kare. Mdhara aiudza hake vazukuru vake how in the old days he could go kumaShop nedhora achinouya ne 2 loafs, chisaga chemaPotatoe, gaba reJam, tsapo yemaSweets ne kaShuga.. 
Asi zvamazuvaano hazvichaiti, too many security cameras muzvitoro!

Huya pano ne chiNdebele

Teacher: ndiani anogona ndebele munomu?
Kid: ini ndokiya kiya
Teacher: ko kana uchida kuti kumuhu huyapano unoti chiii?
Kid: buya lapa
Teacher: ok .kokana wakuda kuti adzokere kwaabva unotichii?
Kid: azvinetsi ndongoenda kwaabva ndoti buya lapa futi

Michero pa whatsapp

One day, fruits wr playin a game on watsapp...

GRAPE: i look like e human eye

MANGO: i look like a human heart

BEANS: i look like a human kidney

MANGO: kkk. Iwe Bhinzi usanyepere kuzungaira

BANANA: 👀

BEANS: Banana uriwe ibva wati zii hako

   Dohwe left group

Flag ye Zimbabwe

Teacher: ko black colour iri paflag yedu yeZimbabwe yakamirirei?
Mwana: Load shedding

Hokoyo ne police

Shingi angaari mbavha, paakafa coffin rake rakaramba kudzika muguva.
Pastor ndokuita munamato zvikaramba pastor wechipiri, wechitatu zvakaramba
Shamwari yaShingi ndokuti Pastor regai ndikubatsirei, ndokufamba achienda paguva ndokusviko mira paguva achibvaati: 
"Shingi hokoyo nePOLICE!", coffin richibva ratanga kudzika. Wenyu munamato uchanzii?

Ndokupa makumbo

Ndanzi neka babe kepa next door ndibatsireo kuundura huku kana tapedza ndokupa makumbo

Handisi kumhanyisa pfungwa here?

Makumbo akawandisa

Vamwe blaz vakaenda ku pet shop vakati ''i want something special, thats rare, thats exclusive'' 
Akanzi: ''pane imbwa inohukura national anthem'', akati kwete. Ndokunzi ''pane tsoko inogona kuverenga nekunyora'' akati kwete.
Pakazonzii ''pane zongororo rinoita mabasa ese emumba'', akati ''ndipei!''

Asvika kumba akati "zongororo, geza ndiro, wotsvaira nekukorobha mumba mese''. After 30 mins imba was spotless. Akabva ati ''timba nekudiridza garden'', very fast zongororo anga apedza, mface was impressed, akati ''horaiti chienda shops unotenga zvinhu zve b/fast".

Mface akamira 1hr, no zongororo, 2 hrs still no zongororo, after 3hrs akafunga kutevera shops, paakavhura door akawona zongororo akagara pasi akaribvunza nehasha ''ko iwe 
ndakutuma kudhara uchiri kuitei?"
Zongororo akati ''ita steady mhani, ndichiri kupfeka bhutsu MAKUMBO AKAWANDISA!"

Charge Office

Caller: Hallo
Officer: Yes taurai henyu
Caller : kuCharge office here
Officer: Yes ndiko chaiko baba,ndingakubatsireyi neyi baba
Caller: Munotengesa maCharger eNokia

Zvese zvakungotsva

Nyaya yekutsva iyi yanetsa.kwakatanga imba yachiyangwa,kukauya yagono,ndokuzouya complex yekuglen view.ikozvino beans dzangu dzanga dziri pamoto dzatsva

Zvidhura zvema dhora ku Binga

Umwe mface aiita zvekugadzira zvidhuura zvemaUS$. Imwe weekend akagadzira zvidhuura zvema$18 achibva ati regai ndiende nazvo kumachonyonyo ekuBinga achiti havangamboziva kuti hakuna $18 yakabatana.

Akasvikopinda mune kamwewo kashop maitengeswa nekachembere achibva aburitsa $18 yake yakabatana ndokutti, "Maswera here gogo, ndanga ndichikumbirawo change."

Gogaz vakatambira mari ndobva vangoitarisa mbichana vachibva vanyemwerera vachiti, "Ndokupa ari ma$9 maviri here kana kuti ma$6 matatu........."

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