Find by tag

mungwarire matsotsi epa facebook

Pakaita account yakanzi Cristiano Ronaldo pa facebook , nekuda zvinhu ndakaadder as a friend.I then send a message, 'Hie Ronaldo is this really you?'
Then he replied 'yes its me'.Then i replied im one of your fans staying in Zimbabwe .
He then replied, 'IBHO MFANAMI KEEP SUPPORTING ININI BLAZ VAKO VAKADII VAMWE VOSE'

kupfimba ne bhaibheri

Tindo achishandisa bhaibheri kupfimba:

Tindo: Une mukomana here?
Girl: Handina
Tindo: Gen 2:18 "Jehova Mwari akatizve, Hazvina kunaka,kuti munhu agare ariwoga, ndichamuitira mubatsiri akamukwanira.

Girl: Handikudei bhudhi.
Tindo: 1 John 4:8 Usingadi haazivi Mwari, nokuti MWARI RUDO

Girl: Ndoziyasei kuti urikurevesa nemashoko ako aya?
Tindo: Matt 12:34 Nokuti muromo unotaura zvizere pamoyo

Girl: Manje ndoziya sei kuti wakatendeka muzvokwadi?
Tindo: Mark 13:31 Denga napasi zvichapera asi mashoko haaperi

Girl: But why wada ini? Vasikana hobho pasi rese
Tindo: Prov 31:29 Vakunda vazhinji vakaita zvakanaka, asi iwe unovakunda vese.

Girl: But waonei mandiri chaita kuti undide?
Tindo: Song of Solomon 4:7 Akaisvonaka, iwe shamwari yangu, Hakuna gwapa kwauri.

Girl: Uhmmmmmm, wakuwedzera tunzungu iwe?
Tindo: Prov 31:30 Zvinofadza zvinonyengedzera, unaki hauna matura. Asi mukadzi anotya Jehova, ndiye anofanira kurumbidzwa.

Girl: Saka ndikabvuma chii chinoitika?
Tindo: Gen 2:24 Naizvozvo munhu anofanira kusiya baba naamai vake, anamatire mukadzi wake vave nyama imwe.

Girl: Uhmmmm, sei uchiziya bhuku dzvene kudaro?
Tindo: Joshua 1:8 Bhuku iyi murairo haifaniri kubva pamuromo wako asi unofanira kurirangarira masikati nousiku kuti uchenjere kuita zvose zvakanyorwamo. Nokuti nokudaro uchazviwanira mufaro panzira yako nokubata nokuchenjera.

Girl: Woow, i can see you love God
Tindo: Ps 34:8 Ravirai henyu muone kuti Mwari Havana chinhu chakanaka chavangashaiwa.

Girl: Mmmm, ok chimbondipa nguva ndifunge nezvenyaya yako
Tindo: Philippian 4:8 Pakupedzisira hama dzangu zvose zvazvokwadi zvose zvinokudzwa, zvose zvakarurama zvose zvakachena zvose zvinodikanwa zvose zvinorumbidzwa kana kunaja kupi nekupi kana chingarumbidzwa chipi nechipi, fungisisa izvozvo

Girl: wow, Tindo ndinenge ndatokuda ini
Tindo: Revelation 22:21 "Amen"

kutsvaka expiry date

WIFE: Kwakanaka here swity?   
HUSBAND:: Ko indava mai mfana ?
WIFE : Wabvira makuseni wakabata  marriage certificate iroro indava...?  
HUSBAND: Ndiri kutsvaga pane Expiry Date !!!!

Chikwata cheku dzingwa mu Zanu

Olivia akaonekwa asiri Muchena, aive neNhema
saFrancis, uya wekurohwa neShamu saWebster
nokuti Simba-reuta muparamende range
raMudarika pamusana pekusateerera paakanzi
Dzikamai Mavhaire. Dydmus akachema oti "nhandi
Mutasa, Joyce zvawatidyisa neMujuru, ini ndange
ndaronga naNicolas kuti tiva Goche" Ndiyo nyaya
yekuparara kwevakuru iyi.

Makwikwi ekumwa doro - Bocha vs Buhera

Veku Bocha nevekuBuhera vakawirirana kuti vaite makwikwi ekumwa doro.Mazuva emakwikwi ave kusvika vekuBocha vakatuma munhu kuenda kuBuhera kuti anonzwa kuti vekuBuhera vaive vagadzirira here.
Wasu akasvika akabvunza zvikanzi nevekuBuhera tava ready tatomirira zuva iroro. Asati aenda Wasu akapihwa sadza ndokudya. Apedza kudya sadza akaisirwa 25 litres yemasese ndokubva aimwa yese kuipedza. VekuBuhera vakashamisika kuti kune munhu anopedza 25 litres yehwahwa ega. Vakabvunza Wasu kuti: "ko nhai Wasu muchange murikukwikwidzawo here mumakwikwi ari kuuya aya"
Wasu akati:" kwete ini ndakadyirwa kumaprimary ekwedu"

Warumwa nei nhai muroora?

Muroora : maiweeeeeee ndarumwa
Vamwene : nei?
Muroora : handina kuchi idhendifaya kuti chii!
Vamwene : (vachiridza mhere) maiweee mroora wangu arumwa nechidhendifaya!!!!

Kufadza munhu kwakaoma - bofu

Kufadza munhu kwakaoma vakomana! 
Rimwe bofu raigaronyunyuta kuti munondiisira nyama shoma. One day rakaisirwa huku yese muplate. Bofu riya ndokuti "ukaona isu toisirwa huku yese kureva kuti imi matopakurirana mbudzi yake yake"

Kuverengerwa tsamba

Mazuva andaishanda kuHowmine Gumede ndiye chete aigona kuverenga saka tsamba dzose dzaiuya ndiye aiverengera vanhu. 
Chakazonetsa Gumede aizoshaya hunhu pakuverenga tsamba kunyanya dzaive namashoko orufu aigona kungoti, "Chimuti mai vafa inda kumusha","Jairosi baba vafa inda kumusha,".
Vanhu vakazomunyeurira kuti aitewo hunhu pakuverenga tsamba. Chishanu chakasvika ndokubva averenga tsamba akabva ati, 'munhu wese anambuya kumusha ngaasimuke', gurusvusvu ravanhu rakabva rasimuka iye akati: "Mudavanhu gara hako pasi hauchina mbuya!!"

Murombo haarovi Chinenguwo

Ndakasvika pakaungana vanhu ndikati paneiko, wanike ndiChinenguwo naMurombo vari kurwa. Ahhh, Murombo akakanda chematsenganzungu, Chinenguwo ndobva anzvenga, Chinenguwo achibanha Murombo nembhutsu, Murombo achiwira kwakadaro uko. 
Chinenguwo ndokuzogara pamusoro paMurombo ndokutanga kumutsonda nezvibhakera kusvika asarenda.
Chokwadi musi uyu ndakaona kuti Murombo haambofa akarova Chinenguwo

Takasangana kupi?

Kid: Nhai baba, maka zvarirwa kupi?
Dad: Harare
Kid: Ko mama?
Dad: Goromonzi
Kid: Ini?
Dad: Chitungwiza
Kid: Saka takasangana kupi?

Yambiro kuva paridzi - mboko

WARNING!

ATT: To all preachers

Pullpit language adjustment to all the devil cursers. Zviya zvekutukirira Satan muchiti "satan imphoko!!!" To be stopped with immediate effect. Mphoko is the new Zanu PF and Zimbabwe 2nd Vice President. Kana zvanetsa mungatoti "satan mujuru!!!!"

chikwata chiri kutsvaka basa

Ukanzwa anoda vakomana 2 vemombe ndinavo Goche na Mutasa and vanoda DJ ndina Shamhu. Vanoda barman ndina Mavhaire, musikana wemumba ndina Mujuru, wemwana ndina Muchena. Pliz vanhu ava vanoda basa iri nezuro chaiye ok

Harare to mutare vs xmas to new year

Passenger : " nhai va driver hw far is it from Harare to Mutare?"
Driver : "Haaa, it is 290km"
Passenger :" Ko from Mutare to Harare?"
Driver "Unopenga here? Handiti zvakangofanana here?"
Passenger "Uummm kungobvunzawo kuti ndizive sezvo kubva pa new year kusvika pa christmas pane gore, asi kubva pa christmas kuenda pa new year ringori vhiki chete"

Zvituko hobho

  • Mbuya vako munigga vanodropa zambia vomonerera dhuku mumaoko
  • Baba vakadzingwa basa nenyaya yekutambisa gedhi palunch
  • Haisi mhosva yako,imhosva yema dzitateguru ako aienda kuhondo asina zvombo achitemba kupopota
  • Ndosaka baba vako vakarohwa naamai nenyaya yekuchemera kurara muprema
  • Matama semimba yegonzo!
  • Wakapusa kunge mukadzi wen'anga anodaidza murume wake kuti sekuru
  • Uri benzi wakarega chikoro munhu wawaikopa afa 
  • Kumashure kune chirimi kana wakubudisa mweya kunoti thuuuu.
  • Kumba kunotyiwa aids kwamunobika makapfekedza mugoti condom
  • Kungwarisa kunge wakakura uchichera nyoka
  • Face yakachecheudzwa
  • Mumba menyu mugomba vanhu vakati gogoi unoti wirai
  • Kusviba zvekuti ukapinda musango tsubvu dzose dzinodonha dzichiti IGWEEE
  • Ndosaka wakaenda kuhondo nepinjisi uchiti urikuda kunosunungura Zimbabwe.
  • Kumusha kure kunosvika mapostori akunzi mawhite ninjaa
  • Kusviba kunge blackmarket
  • Dhirezi rako rakahwinwa nababa vako vakunda munhu wese kuridza chiwepu padhibhi.
  • Kuomera ungati chibereko chehure.
  • Kufumuka kunge mukadzi wechigure anonongedzera murume wake achiti ichoo.
  • Wakajaidzwa nambuya vako vaikurova neZambia.

muzukuru arovha kuchikoro

Ambuya varikudaidza muzukuru wavo: mzukuru hwanda mudzidzisi wako uyo arikuuya hauna kuenda kuchikoro.
Muzukuru: "Hwandai imimi! Ndanga ndatumira shoko rokuti mafa, saka kutouya kuzondibata maoko uku!"

Get nyambo in your inbox!